Are manners completely gone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
Are manners completely gone?
32
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 10:09am

I took my daughter to a birthday party. She had fun.

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Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 12:39pm
Did you make an effort to talk to them? If you didn't initiate conversation, they may have just assumed you were shy and didn't want to pressure you into talking. Socializing is a two way street, if you made no effort to be friendly and talk to them, you can't really blame them for treating you the same way.

You say this happens "quite often" so the likelihood that all these women you meet are all just jerks is slim to none. You need to realize that YOU are the only common denominator here. Time to take a step back and figure out what YOU are doing to alienate other people and what you change about yourself to be more approachable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 1:21pm
They all knew you were the new mom there, and they should have introduced themselves and tried to include you. It was very rude not to.

That's what I do. Seriously, if I see someone new/alone with no one to talk to, I zero in on them.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 2:37pm

I, too, always try to include a newbie when I'm in a group. BUT, then when one of the moms DID include you by speaking to you as she left, you jumped on her like white on rice! I think that pretty much assures that the mother who spoke to you and anybody else within hearing distance won't attempt to speak to you next time either for fear of being jumped on.

Were you sitting at the table alone or were all the moms at the table?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 4:11pm

I have always taught my children that if they want to meet people and make friends, they needed to be willing to make the effort.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 4:14pm
Sadie,

Having been the newby so many times, I have found a pretty good way to break the ice is to just be honest. "Hi, Im new here and I feel all sorts of awkward just sitting there pretending to enjoy my solitude, would you mind if I join you all?" is always helpful. It usually gets a round of introductions going and a few other tidbits of conversation. And then when I run into them again, they usually recognize me and at least say Hi, if not start up another conversation.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 4:52pm
If you weren't the new mom, and saw one sitting alone being ignored, would you go speak to her? Wouldn't you feel a teeny bit responsible, if you were a long timer with the group?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 7:06pm

No, maybe in the past.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2011
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 8:11pm
izzyandalexsmommy wrote:

I have always taught my children that if they want to meet people and make friends, they needed to be willing to make the effort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 8:54pm

I agree, and no not everyone is a jerk. I honestly don't think these ladies were rotten either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 9:16pm
I guess it is all about perspective. If I encounter a nonwelcoming group, I move on. No harm no foul. It happens.

I also feel if I am expected to introduce myself to a single individual in a group setting, Im cautious. I run the risk of acquiring an emotionally needy individual. At least when it is a group of people, I can sort of read them each based on how they interact with each other, with a lower risk of one person commanding all of my attention from the get go.

My DD is dealing with that right now. She made friends with one particular girl who now wants to dictate her social calendar. She is learning the hard way to hold her own.
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