Being cussed out and blamed for something that I didn't start!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Being cussed out and blamed for something that I didn't start!
7
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 6:57pm

Ok..so here is the story.On 8/20 in the late evening I had called a gf of mine to see how she was doing because we had gone out the previous Fri. and she had gotten sick due to getting wet from the rain.Well so THAT was the initial reason for the call and also because I myself  had developed a scratchy throat.Well I'm also infront of my computer and I finally had went to a site becuase I had a had an e-mail..well so I'm calling my friend and Im also going to the site.well when my friend answers I ask her how she was doing and she told me that she's been feeling sicker then previously and then she states that she was upset with a mutual friend of ours so right at that time when she said that I had opened up an e-mail that the other friend had sent me saying that how 'I need to talk to my girl...that she had gone off on him..he doesn't understand why'''so I'm reading that and I'm telling my friend what I'm reading for myself for the 1st time.NOW I still don't know what's going on...I had just been planning on seeing how my friend was because she had been sick...well apparently she had had enough of his behavior towards her(which by the way she had told him about his behavior for a very long time) and she had just had had enough that day so they had been going back and forth through texting.So she was venting to me  back and forth with him in text telling him how she feels.Well BEFORE she had gotten into detail with me like I said.. I had read that e-mail he had sent me about how I needed to talk to him..that she had went off on him and he didn't know why...well obvioulsy another thing that had ticked her off was the fact that BEFORE I had known her someone that she had known was killed at a certain casino and it just so happens that the guy friend(who she's ticked off at)is addicted to going to that casino and had asked her many of times to go...oh and he also knew the story about the death...so she would always say no.Well I had went one time to the casino and the plan was that I had stated to him that I would go again soon...well one evening my gf also stated that she may decide to go and the guy had said to my friend...'oh..so now you want to go because your gf(me) is going and he stated that he would be hurt if she actually went because of me and NOT him...anyways so that's important to know because she had gone off on him about that too..well he had also sent me an e-mail about how he likes that certain casino and he felt that if he were to go somewhere like downtown..he wouldn't have fun....oh and also my gf was mad because she had invited him many a times out and he always ended up going to that particular casino..so she was mad about that..BUT you have to understand that the e-mails that he had sent me..she had already had discussions concerning the casino and his attitude that he took towards her which was insulting and not understanding...so anyways when she was venting and talking about the texts that she had sent him in that late afternoon..so this had already  happened when I came upon the scene....she then had read some of the texts to me that HE had sent HER... andthen she had ended up sending a last one...well so that was MONDAY...so I believe then the next day she told me that they had talked and worked things out.I told her that's good.Well here comes Wednesday and I end up getting a very nasty venting e-mail from HIM blaming ME..stating that I should have never read her his e-mail...In his mind..he thought that I had KNOWN all that was going on and I read them to her maliciously...oh and that he CANT trust me oh..BUT he could trust her...I explained to him over and over again how this had transpired..he thought that I should have called HIM 1st..ALTHOUGH I'm telling him that I had just called my gf to see how she was doing because she had been sick..so it wasn't like I thought..hey..I'm going to call HER 1st...I had no idea what had happened that later afternoon.I told him that from now on I wouldn't read his e-mail to anyone...and to be honest I NEVER have BUT like I stated to him..I had justgotten on the computer and when I was talking to her at the beginning of the conversation I had clicked on it and thats when she told me that something had happened(BUT NOT WHAT)between he and her and seeing that e-mail he wrote..obviously concerning the same thing..I was reading it..He was going on and on about how I should never read someone's e-mail to someone else and that's when I told him that you know SHE had read YOUR texts to me some word for word about what was going on. and e-mails and texts are about the same thing..so basically what he's harping on ME about...SHE did too BUT the woman was angry because HE had made her so with his behavior that she was getting tired of dealing with..Apparently he forgave her BUT not me because what I did was not cool...I have apologized left and right.Of course I had to hear from him about him having trust issues due to his ex-wife...yeah so that;s suppose to be MY problem?What he should have acknowledg if the fact that his friend was mad at HIM because of something HE had done and NOT me.I felt like I was half awake in the middle of something.When he made his point to me that he feels that those things should be confidential..private..I said OK .BUT that wasn't good enough...he had to come back yet again in a condenscending tone in e-mail making it look like I didn't understand him the 1st time!

I'm pissed off that he didn't take blame for what HE did at all and lashed out at me.I made my apologies,stated the fact that I heard where he was coming from and made assurances that I wouldn't do that again...although I NEVER did before..reading his e-mails to her. Basically because he still is carrying a torch for my gf...he would forgive her if she were to burn down his house! So basically he took it out on me..who is sick(oh and he didn't believe that I had had a scracthy throat because he thought..right..and you're talking to the gf)well everyone knows that you're not really talking much when someone is VENTING..which she was in telling what had happened.Oh and this GUY is 42..yeah and he always has to have his views be the correct one..he can NEVER understand WHY you did what youdid..even when you are explaining it to him a million times!! I said the last e-mail that I had to say to him and if he doesn't want to take responsibility for HIS actions in making HER mad with him to begin with...then I'm done.I wil not be talked to in a degrading manner.I fully understand about venting..we all do it and once we do..things become clearer..BUT I will not deal with anymore behavior from him like that.Sometimes you can see why some people are divorced! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Ok, now I see more clearly. And I agree with your decision to "un-friend" the guy.

Who needs that drama?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006

Escape goat role...yeah that was me and I played it 3 times last week with 3 different people! I don't treat people like they're scum or do I not disrespect anyone.BUT when it comes down to it...I will NEVER let anyone talk to me like I was talked to  last week period.also it didnt help matters that I was sick that week..just trying to rest up.Me and the girl is cool..ShE thought he took this way over board.Like I"ve said..he's always had a thing for her.She could burn down his house and he would STILL not blame her but someone else.....I told her that I will only be cordial to him BUT that's it.I'm done.I do understand about venting and I did acknowledge why he was anger and I apologized.Well I meant my apology...he only told me that he STILL blames me and who wants a friend who doens't take you at your word?..I don't.

From now on...like I stated...no one will disrespect me and not know about it.I will make sure to let them know and to step back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006

Thats what I had been TRYING to tell this person..I had NO IDEA what had happened earlier that day.I had just called up a friend to  ask how she was doing since she had been sick.The same time time I started to talk to her was the same time I had opened the e-mail...He is acting like SHE would never have been angry with him if I had not read the e-mail..he's NOT realizing that the woman was upset with HIM before anything was ever read to her..

he apologized to me..OH and EVEN when I had told him that SHE had read HIS texts to me word for word..the woman told him this too..it STILL doesn't matter to him..I don't need that sort of Bull..oh forgive one person BUT not the other...I have decided that he's NOT my friend anymore..for a person to STILL have this animosity even after it was explained to him how this all went down...and to STILL be stubborn about it...not something that I want to be around.I have already had it up to hear with the human race and THIS is one of the reasons that I am introverted...I know not everyone is like this BUT you know when you unintentionaly do something that causes someone hurt...well I apologize and explain BUT when they think its just excuses...then I"m done! I don;t grovel to anyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004

I would suggest you to get out of this triangulated relationship. Leave them alone for a while, so they get clear their issues.

Guess we all sometimes play the escape goat role, when those around are troubled. Relax, and step back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
He had one valid point... never read someone's e-mail to another person, especially when the two have had an argument.

That wasn't cool.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006

well the update on this is that NOW he's apologized BUT not because he feels that he didn't do anything wrong...

he STILL feels...that she had gotten more mad due to ME reading those e-mails...how I left it was..;I'm tired...i accept your apology and to have a great weekend.

what he doesn't understand is that I will only be cordial to him from now on BECAUSE he refuses to get it through his thick skull that HE was the reason she was mad at him to begin with.I will not be talked to like that from anyone.I do understand about venting..I do it too...BUT I don't understand when you continually explain to someone how this happened and they STILL feel that you were responsible INSTEAD of him taking responsibility for his own actions...I"M DONE with people who are so hard headed....it's not worth it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

Take a deep breath.  Good old oxygen heals.