Being green isn't my colour!

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Being green isn't my colour!
9
Sat, 05-28-2011 - 1:04pm

I will start this post off by admitting I'm jealous which makes me not the best person to judge situations with my DD's future MIL. But this woman is still driving me crazy & I think her actions towards my DD are unfair. I believe DD is going into a lifetime where her DH will always side with his Mommy.

Here is the jealous part. I know each person has separate ways of dealing with relationships. DD has a son who is 4. Our DGS has mobility

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sat, 05-28-2011 - 1:24pm
This will just be the tip of the iceberg. Best to distance yourself now from it.

Sorry to sound so negative... but your DD knew what she's getting into. And to continue is her problem, and you should drop it as yours.

I know how you feel, insofar as no matter how old your kids get, we still hate it when they hurt. But sometimes they have to learn the hard way....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 10:33am
I think it is important to let your adult kids make their own decisions. But I also think it is important to also extend support, if they need it.

My Mom was always really good about playing the bad guy for me when peer pressure got bad. She hasn't had to be the bad guy for me in years, but I know if I needed her to she would be right there, darth vader mask and all. I maintain the same for my kids.

Maybe if you just let her know that you are there for her, no matter what. It would at least give her some comfort. And the support to stick to her guns. And then there is the point that no one should allow themselves to be upset in order to make someone else happy.

Hugs to you both in regards to the difficult MIL. My sister is currently getting married. Her inlaws are very nice but definitely nothing like us. I'm kind of curious of what they think of us......
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Avatar for deenow17
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Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 3:39pm
Thank you for making me laugh. You reminded me of those calls DD took during those early teen years when she would be talking about how mean & what a witch I was to her friends. When she would get off the phone, I would ask what did I do now. She would laugh & say, you are so mean you won't let me go to xxxx's party this weekend. I would laugh & say why this time, their parents aren't home or alcohol is planned. So yes, I was always her bad guy parent. Which is why I know she will do the right thing & doesn't need me to interfere but it hurts to listen to her pain.

Yep, families are very different. DD's fiance family aren't bad people. They all love a big party & our family tends to be quiet. It's just that future MIL is very determined to control everything. She drove one dil away, she took a job a 4 hr drive away from mil so that she & her DH got some privacy after they got married. Then after mil came to visit & stripped the wallpaper off the dining walls without permission, they brought a dog. MIL is terrified of dogs, so she don't visit them now. But this woman can be very nice if you follow her rules.

Dee
Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 3:41pm
Yep, DD is 31 & been with her SO for 8 yrs. They even lived with MIL for 3 of those years. So she definitely knows what she is getting into. She has made her choices & I support her right to do so.

You are right, it's still hard to deal with your feelings when your babies hurt. Don't care how old they are. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 9:31pm
I hope your DD doesn't end up moving away from you just to escape MIL. What kind of nut job goes into someone else's house and strips their wallpaper?! I laughed about them getting a dog, haha.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 05-30-2011 - 2:31pm
I have a friend whose Fil had their entire house repainted one week while she was away on business. The exterior and a totally different color than what it was originally. Had he gotten his hands on a house key, he would have done the inside too!

He is well meaning but doesn't get boundaries. My friend didn't recognize her house and passed it 4 times before she called her Dh in a panic. Her Dh never said anything to her because he knew she would be upset.

The same fil had his daughters house completely rewired because of one bad light switch.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 3:03am

First, the other mother can wear whatever she wishes to the wedding as can any of the guests. Hopefully she will chang eher mind or at least brighten it up w/ a scarf.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 3:16pm

Thanks for your response. I appreciate the opportunity to look at all sides & reassess my own

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 8:22pm

Hi, I don´t want to sound insensitive, but your getting into a problem that in fact is not yours. As a mom, I´ll probably tell my daughter