Best friend is blaming me for what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2012
Best friend is blaming me for what?
10
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 9:58pm

My best friend has stopped talking to me. I think she's blaming me for something but I don't know what exactly. Her and her boyfriend were fighting I told her that he had talked to me about it. I explained that it wasn't that it wasn't that she wasn't interested anymore, that she is really busy. I don't know if she is mad at me for talking to him or because I'm still speaking to him. We are not in high school I shouldn't have to stop talking to anyone because they are fighting. Am I wrong? She's too big of a coward to confront me with whatever the problem is, so she's ignoring my phone calls. What do I do? We've been friends for six years. I don't want to through it all away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2012
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 12:17am

Its not melodramatic look you don't know me and you don't Know ex friend so don't worry about me enough already go find someone else to be snotty to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 11:19pm

Seems a bit melodramatic to worry about losing your family because a former best friend is ignoring you.  Yet you say you're not worrying about her.   Anyway, good luck with everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 11:14pm

It doesn't sound like you're over it.  You're stressing about her keeping her mouth shut and you having a lot of explaining to do, and all the “what ifs”.  She has moved on, maybe you should do the same.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2012
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 5:52pm

i don't do drama, I hate it. I'm not win high school anymore far from it. Friendships are always about trust. Especially when you are as close as we were. We share secrects we shared with no one else. we were like sisters. And as far as having explaining to do if she doesn't keep her mouth shut come on are you that naive? I could lose my family because of things that she knows and vice versa. I'm not going to worry about her or you and your bad attitude. Others have not saw things from my point off view but were a hell of a lot nicer about it. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2012
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 3:43am

Thank you all. I'm over her crap. I just hope that she honors our friendship enough to keep her mouth shut. If she doesn't I will have a lot of explaining to do. But then again if she wants to keep her sugar daddy she'll keep quiet because I know as much crap  on her as she does on me. I'm over the whole damn thing I have other friends and I know that even if she and I she make up some day that I can't trust her. You don't trust turn on your friends like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 11:39pm

I think she's being very immature and unreasonable; however, you should not have told her that he talked to you about it.  (He should not have talked to you about their relationship, but that's beside the point.)  It all sounds very junior high schoolish. I agree that you're too involved in their relationship.  Just because you have invested x number of years is not a gauge that the friendship has to continue.  What kind of friend is she to stop talking to you and not even listening to your side or being receptive to an apology?  You've tried to contact her, and she is ignoring you.  Stop being so upset about it, chrurning things over in your mind, asking rhetorical questions which we don't have the answers to, and let it go.  It appears that she may have already made the decision to end the friendship.  Let this experience be a lesson:  never, ever, get involved in another couple's relationship problems.  Even when one of them tries to pull you in, stay out of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2012
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 6:16pm
Sometimes that's the way it happens with friendships. I'm currently at odds with a long friendship of my mine. My ex best friend stopped talking to me when she took a comment the wrong way. I've tried to patch things up and she is thrving on the attention but doesn't want to change things. So I'm out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2012
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 2:57pm

She's not only ignoring my phone calls but is acting like I told him something I shouldn't have. When he asked me if something was up I honestly told him no. Because I didn't think that there was. He is the jealous type, so sometimes we will go out to dinner or something and she will say don't tell him. But I told him she's been working hard, which she has she had a big inventory to do and they are changing out her office. Even if there was something going on my loyality lies with her. But she's so passive aggressive that instead of answer the phone she's posting stuff on Facebook. She's mad because I commented on his status and told him too hang in there he would be home in a few weeks? I didn't hide the fact that I talked to him because when you do it only causes problems. 

Ive stood by her through every neurotic episode. She's called home in the middle of the night because she was having a panic attack.  I've watched her son so she could go out of town to work. When her house caught on fire I was the one who was there. When she needed someone to drive her to work because she's scared off snow I was there. To act like this is ridiculous. It almost makes me want to tell him that she said she was going to cheat on him.But I'm not that kind of person. 

i don't do drama and I'm ready to just cut her out of my life. But then I think I've invested six years In this relationship, but how do I ever trust her again? I told her everything she was my best friend how does your best friend just turn on you?

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 5:42am

I don't think she expects you not to talk to him at all. But I can see why she might be feel betrayed that her best friend was talking to her boyfriend about her relationship and then seemed to take his "side" in her argument with him. As her best friend, she turned to you for support and understanding and instead, you backed him up. Perhaps that wasn't your intent, maybe you were trying to act as a mediator. But frankly, I think you are far too involved in their relationship. You are not a couple's therapist and she did not ask you to be their mediator - if you try to be that, you'll only wind up with unnecessary drama in your life and probably push your best friend away...exactly what is happening right now with her silent treatment.

I'm not saying you should always just blindly agree with her even if she comes to you with a problem and you think she's wrong. But you should only offer advice if she asks for it and even then, you should word it carefully, as though making a suggestion, rather than "explaining" to her why she's wrong.

Tell her you're sorry, that you shouldn't have gotten involved, that you should have just offered a sympathic ear and only offered advice if she asked for it and that it won't happen again. And the next time her boyfriend comes to you about a fight they've had, politely tell him that it's none of your business and it's not appropriate for you to get involved. I mean, if you had a fight with your boyfriend and he went and talked about it to your best friend, would you not feel that it was even a little inappropriate? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2012
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 10:23pm

I can really see from both sides why this is a rough situation.

From your friend's boyfriend's perspective he probably thought that talking to her best friend would give him insight to their problems. In  my opinion men try to fix a problem however they can and he probably didn't think him asking you for advice would be a bad thing.

From your friend's perspective she is probably annoyed that the two of you discussed their relationship not matter what the intentions were. It's probably awkward for her and she is probably feeling jealous.

I think you were an innocent bystander who got dragged into this. I would send her a text or an email that explains how he came to you for advice and you don't want to be in the middle of their problems.