Best Friend - Time to say goodbye?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Best Friend - Time to say goodbye?
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 3:45pm
Sorry to post this in the family section, but there is noplace else for me to post an issue that I have with my best friend. This may be kind of long.

I have known Sarah* for over 5 years. When we first met we were mostly just 'partying buddies' but Sarah is a drama queen and soon I was pulled into her very hectic life. I didn't mind at all b/c to be honest, helping her with her problems helped me to keep my mind off missing my boyfriend (who was away in the military). It also helped us to get closer and at that point i really needed a good friend. We were practically inseperable for the entire year, yet we both still had our own lives. Then I got married and moved away for 3 years. We weren't good at keeping in touch, so we grew apart. But last year when I returned home, we got very very close again. We even began referring to each other as sisters rather than friends.

But, within these past few months, we have been fighting non stop. I am desperately trying to find myself and get my act together for my family, but it seems that i just cannot get away from sarah's drama. She has drama with so many people and although she is beautiful and people seem to be drawn to her, she seems to have to put me down to feel better about herself. I gained 15 pounds and she lost a significant amoutn of weight (she is a size 1 now!!). She always points out how small she is. She makes comments about the weight i have gained. And although she has been there for me a lot in the past, in our recent arguments, she has thrown everything that i have confided in her in my face. I admit that in these arguments i have become so heated that i have sunk to nm=ame calling and insults. But her insults are much more than that. she hits below the belt. She criticizes everything i do, but if i say one thing about her she says that i judge her. It has gotten to the point that its all i can think about. I am beginning to think that maybe i am the awful person that she says I am. She says that I am a 2 faced liar who judges everyone. My husband says that she says that about me to make herself feel better about all the problems that she has in her life. My other close friend says we just need to talk, but i am beginning to think that the time to talk has come and gone and myabe its just time to say goodbye.

If anyone has any insight to this, please let me know.

Thank you



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 4:44pm
Sounds like your friend has deep rooted insecurities and she feels the need to down talk other people to make herself feel better. Its just a common fact that people with insecurities must do this or else they dont know what to do with themselves. As far as her drama goes - let her deal with it. Some people must have drama in thier lives to make themselves feel important and make what they believe is a dull life more "interesting". Its just like any other drug - its an additiction. I would say that this is an unhealthy relationship b/c its obviously doing more harm than good. Talk to her and tell her that you will be there if shes ever in trouble, but she needs to learn how to deal with her insecurities some other way because you wont stand her humiliating you any longer. Its not the outside that counts, honey - She may be pretty on the outside, but that doesnt mean anything for her inside.

I too have had a friend similar to that. I distanced myself from her drama and crap, and the world is a much nicer place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 6:47am
don't be around anyone who puts your down. & tell them they better not make nasty comments. otherwise, she'll never stop. it'll be the best thing you ever did!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 4:47pm
I too had a drama queen for a friend and it eventually wore me out. She was like an emotional vampire who just sucked all the good energy out of me and left me worn out, becoming bitter and cynical. There wasn't a single day that went by that something absolutely horrid was happening to her. Of coarse 99.9% of what was happening to her was just normal stuff that happens in life that most people deal with and move on. I finally had nothing left to give to her and backed off. It was the best day of my life. I don't have to deal with her day to day drama and on the occasional times we do talk, I just keep it simple, superficial and if she starts in with the drama, I just tell her I have to get off the phone. People like that just are too hard to be friends with. The emotional toll they take on you are just too much and just leaves you feeling empty, tired and used. Don't feel bad if you take a step back..several if you had to...and realize that you don't have to surround yourself with people who make you feel bad and are just too much trouble to be around.