Big Fight with my Mom After Thanksgiving

Avatar for evyrosa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Big Fight with my Mom After Thanksgiving
9
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 10:43am

My childhood centered around my parents terrible marriage.

Evy

(Mom to Alex and Marlena)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 11:39am

Aw, I'm so sorry you have such a mother.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 12:25pm

Sorry your Thanksgiving got ruined by such an arguement. My mum used to do the same things, although not as often as it seems your mum does. Yup right down to the getting upset over someone getting coffee for themselves and not for her. “You might have KNOWN I would want some coffee!” Gimme a break! We’re not mindreaders. Anyway, I’m glad you’re starting therapy, because there are a lot of issues that need to work out. Kudos to you that you have a good marriage and none of the toxic waste has spilled into your marriage and you don’t seem to repeat the same mistakes in raising your kids. I do think all your feelings are justified, but for your own benefit try to “let go” of the past. Or maybe you can see how you were raised as a lesson in what NOT to do when being a wife and mother. I know it’s easier said than done, but I think the therapist will be able to help you get past all this. Good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 5:38pm

evyrosa, welcome.

Avatar for evyrosa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 8:26pm

Yes...however, I still feel some guilt for cutting her out of my life ...guess all the guilt-tripping she did for years played a number on me.

Evy

(Mom to Alex and Marlena)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 9:18pm
You know.... we don't really consider it hijacking here to share similar stories with the OP, so feel free. I know a couple of boards are REAL sticklers about that, but we're more relaxed and want you to share. Of you'd prefer, feel free to start a new thread.

I wish I could say I was innocent. I had some some bad fights with partners when my son was young. I wish I could take it all back... It took awhile to "unlearn" what I'd been shown growing up about relationships and arguing.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 9:21pm
You don't necessarily have to cut her out of your life altogether. Maybe set aside once a week to talk to her on the phone (or once a month, year, whatever you decide) Don't let them spend the night again. Limit contact so that she doesn't have the chance to affect you negatively.

Do you think that would work?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 9:42pm

Thanks, cat.alley.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 12:12am

Parents have a way of making us feel guilty. My mom used to pull the helpless card too. She had other "children" still around that could take care of things. One brother lived with her and was working on again off again. If something needed a repair around the house, I told her to get DB him to do it, because he wasn't working, he had all the time in the world. She would tell me that he doesn't know how to do it. I told her "well, he can learn. He knows as much as I do about ___". I had been an apartment dweller since I was 18, so the older I got, the less I knew about home repairs. My parents fought like cats and dogs too. When they got divorced, things weren't much more peaceful though. These perpetraters find someone else to yell at.

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Avatar for lizmvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 3:27pm

Cat.alley is right--this is the place you'll find other daughters who have cut contact with crazy mothers.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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