BIL always the topic

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
BIL always the topic
3
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 5:50pm
My IL's have a one track mind and it seems to be BIL. I get so tired of hearing it and so is everyone els.They constantly talk about him.What he did, said and all the details of him and SIL's marriage.I really don't think it is any of my business and they have there nose into there marriage way to much. From the way I take things they pretty much controll all the decisions in there marriage.

I try not to say anything but starting to really feel sorry for SIL.She needs to make alot of decisions about her marriage and I think there involvement is making it much harder for her to think straight.I just want to tell them to back off and let her make the decision herself.

Mine and dh's family will be getting together for my kids bd party. My family tolerates them and tries not to be rude but I know they don't want to listen to it and I don't want my kids bd party turn into a conversation or lecture about BIL.Like every get together does.I dont' think I can bare watching SIL setting there keeping quiet like it doesn't bother her. I have never been close to her but can tell it bothers her and can only imagine how humilating it would be.

Any ideas on how to handle this without just coming out and say what I think.I really don't want involved in there problems or add to the problem.I just want my kids bd be a fun day without BIL being the topic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 11:50pm
I can only wonder, what makes the BIL so great? Since evidently, that's all they like to talk about.

Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 10:37am
Here is what I would do. You said you and your SIL are not really that "close"? I wou ld make it a point from here on out to start making her feel as welcome as I possibly could. Tkae her aside when you are doing something else and just talk to her about things other than her DH or her marriage. Try to draw her out of this shell she seems to be in. Maybe if you can make her feel really comfortable and welcome with you and your family maybe she could stand her ground with the inlaws. Have you talked to your DH about all this? How does he feel? I think if I was in your shoes I wouldn't say much. I would talk it over with my DH and let him make the decision to talk to his brother and his parents. What they are doing is wrong and probably very hurtful to your SIL. I would talk it over with DH give them some time and if allt his doesn't work I would say something. I would however try to get to know the SIL really well and maybe she will open up and let you know how this situation truely makes her feel. You may be reading it wrong and it may not faze her in the least, I doubt this, but maybe. I hope htings work out and they really stop making your BIL the center of attention. Please let us know how the birthday party goes and what your SIL feels about this. Many people take a lot until one day they just explode I hope for your inlaws sake that she isn't that type of person cause it sounds like if she blows it will be a gooden.

Until then~~~Michelle

Avatar for goldie15
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 1:40pm
I wish I had the magic answer for you. My FIl does the exact same thing. No matter who is there, no matter what the conversation, he has to mention his youngest son. I don't care if you are talking about brands of toilet paper, his son buys the best, and that is that!!!

No one else needs to be in the room, his youngest son is so special Dad can just talk about him for hours. We bought a new car, little brother bought one better and got a better deal....got a new dog, little brother beat you at that too!!!

I finally just got to where I say, that's nice....and just talk a little louder and drown him out! His other 5 kids have pointed out to him that he does this and he denies it, so we just ignore him and change the topic.

Now, that is so sick, he is even worse, he adores his youngest son and could care less if eceryone knows it. As a matter of fact, Dad has left his entire estate including insurance to this one son and left everyone else out of the will. Now, that is a Dad that really has a favorite!!!!!!!!