Brother stealing from Mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Brother stealing from Mom
8
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 3:26am

To make a long story short, I am living with my Mom and 20 yr old brother for one year until Mom gets on an easier treatment for stage four breast cancer that is not chemo and finalizes her divorce from my Dad who is an extreme hoarder. I am 26, work two great jobs, and am doing well for myself.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 1:52pm
I typically find that hate is an unproductive emotion. But no, you should not feel guilty for not wanting to be around your brother. Unfortunately, we don't get to choose the family we are born into and so sometimes we have to deal with people we don't want to be around. I'm not sure how you can deal with it better - he sounds like a self absorbed, uncaring leech. Those people are hard to deal with because they are unlikely to ever change. If you want household harmony, the best thing to do is just try to ignore his behavior. But if you're trying to improve the situation by improving his behavior, it's not gonna happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 2:48pm

You already know the answer about “should you feel guilty” – the answer is “No”.

More importantly, since you know he has stolen at least

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 4:05pm

I have parted ways with my older brother due to drugs etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 5:52pm

I would drive mom to the bank to remove brother from the account and to change her pin numbers so he can no longer access the account.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 6:14pm

Cello,

Is your brother a joint owner on the account with your mother? If so, he can remove or deposit money at will. There's nothing illegal about it. However, if he is NOT on the account then he has not right to withdraw funds from her account. If he's not on the account then you need to check with the bank see if they are honoring their duty to keep your mother's accounts private. Your brother doesn't have a right to even know where your mother banks much less get money out of her account. If he was given money from the account then he either gave the teller a good story and she fell for it; or the bank is sloppy about their identity/ownership policies. If the bank allowed your brother to take money out of an account he did not rightfully own THE BANK is liable for the $500.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 6:16pm
Cello,
Here is the URL for Gaurdian Financial Services. I recommend people to this organization all the time in my job as a financial advisor. http://www.guardian-inc.org/
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 7:48pm

After I put 2 and 2 together, I removed his name as a co-owner of the account (I work for the bank and check the accounts daily). His and my names were both on the account in case something happened to my mother, which was smart-but he cant just be pilfering her every time he wants to. Mom is aware about it, but its hard to get money from someone who works one day a week. As of right now, he disappeared on Friday and hasnt been back since. I'm sorry my Mom is upset, but he's not and will never be my problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 10:43pm

Since you work for the bank you're obligated to report his theft.