Comparisons, comparisons......ugh......

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Comparisons, comparisons......ugh......
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 11:28am
Hi everyone,

First of all, thanks for your support on my last post. I really appreciate your kind words.

Today I am here to vent a little about being why most families feel they have to compare everyone to other family members. Gosh, all my life even though I am an only child there has been this sense of competition between my relatives and still to this day it is going on even if I am miles away from everyone else. This happens because my mother brings it back to me again and again even though I tell her I do not want to here about what is going on my cousin's lives. My mother just called to tell me once again that one of my aunts called to let her know that something good( I do not know what because my mother left a message and she likes to let me hang in suspense) had happened yet again to this cousin of mine. This aunt knows that my mother is caught up with an abusive husband and that my mom's life is horrible, yet she never offers to help her out. However, she does call to boast about her daughter.

It all started when I was younger. All my cousins and I were compared to see who was the tallest, who was the prettiest, who had the best personality, who had the most friends, who had the best grades etc... Then later on in life it was: Who had the best husband, who had the best wedding, who had the best car, who had the best job, who had the best house, etc. etc... My hot button was the job because my career has still to this day not been great even though I have done everything I could to make my life better.

Anyway, I am tired of always feeling like I should have to compete and be compared with a family I do not care for. When will it ever stop?

Thanks for listening.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 12:35pm
I know EXACTLY how you feel, and I think the best thing to do is just don't participate, which it sounds like you're trying to do anyway, but people who are into all that competitiveness will probably never stop! My mom has 1 brother and 4 sisters, and while 2 of my aunts are AWESOME and we're really close to them, the other 3 aunts (her 2 sis and bro's wife) are totally caught up in that competitive junk! Their kids are mostly younger than us, like ages 2-12, and it's a constant competition! However I have 1 cousin who is 18 and pregnant and living at home and to hear my aunt tell it she is still 100,000 times "better" than me (also 18) because she was a cheerleader, goes to church, and "finished high school the right way" (my 16 yr old sis and I were homeschooled the last 2 yrs; my aunt says this is not "real" even though I got my GED and am now in college) It's so ridiculous and enough to tick me, my sis, and my mom off really bad. But over the yrs we all learn it's just easier to laugh it off or ignore it as much as possible! Good luck, Rhiannon