Daughter and boyfriend moved in with me"total nightmare"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011
Daughter and boyfriend moved in with me"total nightmare"
22
Sun, 03-06-2011 - 6:17am

My dd and bf have been together for about 2yrs. they lost their first apartment due to money issues,second apartment same thing,couldn't make the rent. dd worked ,bf worked and got fired from his place of employment ,and then he would work couple days here and there with his brother. dd was totally stressed out then and now! bf he seems to me to be not a real go getter,so anyway dd asked to move back home with me,my husband(which is her step father)and younger sister .i was thrilled,and releived to have her back home again,but theres one problem the claims he has no where else to go,could he move in to. I layed the rules

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Kick him out NOW...and if your daughter goes with him, let her go. She needs to really see what life will be like living "like a real adult" with him. If you "help" them out at all, you're only prolonging their relationship...and everybody's agony!

My own daughter was married to an abusive cocaine addict. Hubby and I "helped" her out financially when the rent came due and he had spent her paycheck on drugs. We "helped" her out by letting her call and vent about how mean and nasty he was...she'd always make excuses for him the next day and wonder why WE thought so poorly of him. One day, I finally got smart. I told her she was welcome to come home anytime, but that HE was no longer welcome in our home, our conversations, or our thoughts. She screamed at us for being so cruel, but I stuck with my decision. She called to ask for money because they'd lost their apartment, and I told her SHE could come home OR she could stay and live with him in his car. She lived in the car...for the longest and worst 2 weeks of my life. Finally, she saw what it was like to "support themselves" in other words she saw how much WE were paying for their lifestyle and how much of the paycheck SHE earned went to his drugs, other women and alcohol. It took her 2 weeks, but in that 2 weeks, she'd found a new job, rented an apartment, contacted an attorney and filed for divorce! She closed out their joint checking account so he couldn't get his hands on her paycheck any more, and didn't tell him where she had moved to or where she was working. She never looked back. She has now been married to hubby #2 for 18 years and is gleefully happy! And, we're the best of friends.

My SIL had a daughter who was a drug addict at 14 and a son who was younger. Daughter ran SIL's home and drove SIL nuts. SIL's younger son learned how to behave from his sister and both treated their mother like garbage. To this day, he says he wishes she had been a responsible mother and not given in to his older sister's threats.

So, in my personal experience, YOU have to be strong and just say NO MORE. Sure it hurts, and SURE it's going to be difficult. You will feel every bad emotion a mother can feel...BUT, kicking him out and letting her go if she makes that choice is really your ONLY choice if you want to have a normal life again AND if you want to protect your younger daughter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011

It is true that this guy needs to

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008

I agree with Elc. Time to give them the boot. And talking does no good. This guy is fully vested in the idea of free living. Once they are of that mindset, it's harder to reason with them. Your daughter is being just as bad as he is. Time for both of them to grow up and get their own apartment.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002

He called you a rotten mother? That's enough to toss him out on his ear right there.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

>>>i begged,screamed,cried bargained to get her to listen to me most of her teen yrs now into her young adult yrs. i am mentally beat up,but i will always love her deeply

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

Wow. ...wow.

Kick bf to the curb. Stop enabling his loser attitude - let him pick himself up by his own bootstraps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011

I know you are so right! today he was told to leave by my husband,as of yesterday,he was caught smoking pot on the job (which is he was down to 3days a wk only) and husband got him this job,now he got fired ,this punk blew it! even more for himseld,now if my dd doesn't see that now then she is just as bad as he is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011

Just wondering about something ,doesn't matter anyway ,but bf was caught on tape smoking pot by employers,bf said to my daughter that he demanded to see this tape it was a lie. By law does the bf have the right to see the tape? just wondering,he lies anyway about the incident.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007

I'd tell him sure, you can see the tape.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Oh boy, had I been in your shoes Duff, the BF would not have been allowed back into the house after getting fired for drug use.

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