Dealing with a difficult Mother and her facebook comments!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2011
Dealing with a difficult Mother and her facebook comments!
8
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 8:13am

My mother has always made me feel unwanted, unappreciated and unloved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2001

Why can't you unfriend your Mom?

CL for 11 years
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2011
I also wanted to add that you will look like the sane one if you don't engage in arguing in public forums with her. I am no longer in contact with my mother. I have had a few relatives feel the need to express how wrong this is but I refuse to speak bad of my mother to them or defend my actions. I told them, "This is an issue between the two of us and it really isn't appropriate for either of us to discuss with others."
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2011
I have a similar relationship with my mother. She joined FB over a year ago and I politely declined her friendship request. I didn't even like seeing her posts on other family member's pages so I blocked her as well. She can't see anything I post anywhere on FB and I can't see anything she does as well. It works for me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010

Unfriend/delete her and block her - permanently.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

Why not just unfriend her? The other family members would probably understand if you did. If you think that would cause too much drama or more verbal abuse, then Hide her. That way you and she are still technically "friends" but none of her status updates, Farmville activity, etc will automatically appear on your page. You would have to go onto her page to see what she's saying. I think that she can still come to your page and leave a message though.

For whatever its worth, I'll bet that most or all of your mutual "friends" who see her nasty words about you don't have a good opinion about those comments. If I saw that I would not think poorly of you but I would have some questions about your mother. Do you have any relatives who have seen her comments and think they're out of line or it makes them uncomfortable? Maybe those relatives would be willing to tell her that its inappropriate or mean or whatever, so she hears that its not just you being overly-sensitive.

Maybe its time to stop putting the past behind you, and look at the past plus the present to decide if you still want to maintain a relationship with your mother. She sounds so toxic that I'm surprised you've endured it this long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2001

She's not going to change, which leaves you with only being able to change how you react. My parents have never been proud of me, never shared my pregnancies with friends, and have enjoyed telling people what screw ups my brothers and i are. Forget the fact I have multiple degrees, a nice home, a job I am good at and make good money, and a happy marriage with two beautiful kids. None of it was ever good enough, or as good as what they have/did. I finally learned, when they dragged my kids in to it, that they can only hurt me with what I let them hurt me with. I have to be proud of me, and I have to do what I have to do to protect me and my family from them.

Delete or limit her access to your facebook so that she can not comment on or see most of what you post. Don't apologize. Tell her you don't post, don't think it's good for your relationship, whatever. If she's rude, cut her off. You must reteach her how to treat you. If she can't do it, then limit your time with her or cut it off (I did once for 15 months).

You deserve better and need to demand it. You do not owe her a relationship. You deserve to be treated with some respect. I know it's hard, I have cried many a tear over my parents, but you can do it.

Hope you find some peace,

Barbara

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

You can delete her and still maintain contact with other family members.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Well, you know she's not going to change, right? Sounds like she's getting some kind of thrill by kicking you down.

Why can't you delete her again?