Dealing with father's anger

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2010
Dealing with father's anger
15
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 10:55am

Hello,

I apologize for the length of this e-mail, but it's a complicated situation!

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 11:31am

Hi,

A few thoughts and some words of caution.

First of all it's too bad your father is trying to leverage his promise to help you buy a home by playing games with you like this. Has this happened before to you anyone else in the family? If so, then it is a bad behavior being repeated. If not, I'd question your father's judgement right now. There's something else going on in the background. Is there anyone else in the family who can talk to him about this scheme he's buying into?

Secondly, there is no such thing as a "secret loan" in a legitimate business deal. Anything you cosign you become legally liable for repaying. You can be sued if the other borrower fails to pay and your credit rating is impacted by both the loan and anything that happens like defaulting on the loan. So my advice is to stick to your guns and refuse to cosign any loan with your father. If you know who this bank officer is and what bank I'd be putting a phone call into the FDIC while I was at it.

So, do not allow yourself to be blackmailed into getting money for your home by cosigning a note with your father. That would be foolhardy. It would be far better for you to come up with the funds on your own. I hope that doesn't mean you can't buy the house you'd like but even if it does, it would be better for you to choose another property than to put yourself in jeopardy by your father.

Go forward with your plans if you are able to do so. I don't have any advice on how to deal with your father from this point forward but obviously he's being swindled and unless you have some authority over his finances there's little you can do about what he decides to do with his own money.

I hope you can work through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 11:47am

Reading your post just ticked me off!

I can relate to so much of what you're saying, believe it or not!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2010

Hello and thanks for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2010

Thank you for your prompty reply!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 12:06pm
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What do you mean? I wasn't sure....


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 12:38pm

Run, (don't walk) away from this "deal". The minute you cosign on a loan it goes immediately on your credit report. You probably will never get a mortgage

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 12:41pm

Hi,

What I meant is if you feel your father's bank or banker is truly doing something illegal then the bank needs to be reported to the Federal Depositors Insurance Corporation - the federal agency that oversees bank stability.

I am a banker so I know that we are under constant scrutiny at all times to adhere to federal laws, including anything to do with loans. A bank can not tell a person what to borrow money for or how to use their funds, however, a bank has the right to assess the risk of making a loan and can deny it. I believe that may be why your father is asking you to cosign the note because his banker is probably not convinced of this venture either. So I would encourage you again to stick to your principals and not cosign anything.

P.S. As disappointing as it may be to not be ale to buy a house right now you made the right decision in declining to go along with your Father. I'd encourage you not to give up on your dream of homeownership and keep saving your money. The

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2010

Hi and thanks for your reply!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 12:53pm

Something about this sounds so wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2010

Hello.

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