dealing with toxic, unstable (former) friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
dealing with toxic, unstable (former) friend
8
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 11:43am

I became friends with a coworker earlier this year-- at first, she seemed like a really cool person, fun to hang out with, but after we took a girl's weekend trip together to a spa I realized that she's very unstable and not someone I want to be around, at all. To make a long story short, she was very abusive toward everyone we came in contact with during our trip, from the shuttle bus driver (telling him he should be wishing all of us good morning) to the waiters at the restaurants (yelling at the woman because she put ice in her drink) to a woman sitting behind her in a cafe who didn't move her chair in enough, to at times, me as well, snapping at me over trivial things such as forgetting my room key once, for example. I almost decided to book room for myself to get away from her because I didn't want her nastiness to ruin my weekend anymore than it had.

At the end of it all, she thought the trip was wonderful (she's a narcissist who insists everyone is jealous of her) and has been trying to push me to book another with her. Really, I'd rather travel with Satan. Since then, I've been doing everything I can to avoid her, but she won't take a message. She's really bad with criticism so I know if I told her I don't think we can be friends she'd probably send me streams of emails about why I'm a terrible person and need to appreciate her, who do I think I am, etc.

Really, I just wish she'd take a hint and go away, but she won't. Does anyone have advice on how to extract a person like this from one's life? Interestingly, she won't call-- all she does is email and text (that's how she's been comminicating with me for months now) so you'd think at this point she'd stop, and the last thing I need is to get into a fight with her over email. Maybe I should just block her? We weren't even friends for six months but she seems to think we have some amazing connection. After our trip she called me her new best friend. Maybe she's a sociopath? I get the sense she doesn't have a lot of friends, that she just runs through people and tries to find willing victims to take her abuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 11:46am

One thing to note, we don't work together anymore. She left the company shortly after our trip.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 12:31pm
I took a trip just like that once! She was rude to everyone we came in contact with. A waitress because our food wasn't quick enough (the place was packed). The tv didn't work in the first room we were in, so immediately two men were sent up to move our things to another room. Just lowly second shift maintenance men. She literally went OFF on them. She got drunk and started puking between the gas pumps the next day. It went on and on and on. I won't rehash everything that b*tch did. And I refused to ever go anywhere with her again. I wouldn't have crossed the street with her.

If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, just tell her and block her.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 6:15pm

just block her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 9:02pm
Since you no longer work together, you aren't stuck with her in your life. Simply tell her you don't feel you're compatible and that no you won't be taking any more trips with her. If the only way she contacts you is via email, then definitely block her so you don't have to hear what she has to say to and about you. She'll find a new victim soon enough...people like her always do.

And, for the record, be very, very careful about getting too cozy with co-workers...this situation would be much more difficult if she had not left the company!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 9:21am

Thanks for everyone's feedback. That trip was quite a lesson learned the hard way. It was really unfortunate. The moment westepped into the lobby of the resort and she started to go off on things I knew I was in for a rough time. I think I will go ahead and block her. Hopefully that will cut her off for good, unless she sends me a texts on my phone which she's done before. It doesn't seem to register in her mind that she can be extremely unpleasant to be around-- the fact that she has kept reaching out to me even as I kept my distance isn't sinking in with her. I think it goes back to her self-centeredness-- in her mind there is no way a person would actually reject her friendship-- as far as she's concerned, only she can do the rejecting. I hope the blocking nips this one in the bud for good!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 6:28pm

I would begin by sending her an email (for the proof basically) that you have become really busy and don't have time in your life right now for anything outside of work and family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 10:22pm

I wouldn't use the "I'm so busy with work and family" excuse.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 09-03-2011 - 11:50am
I'm glad you no longer work together! I would continue to ignore her. It may take a while, but she'll eventually get the hint!