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|Sun, 09-29-2013 - 3:19pm|
I'm not even sure where to start. 15 years ago or July of this year? A little history might be in order before I get crucified for being a bad mother. 15 years ago my daughter, Susan, was 10 years old. Her father remarried a woman who hated me with such passion her life's goal was to destroy my relationship with Susan. She succeeded. I tried my best to prevent this from happening but she was determined to get me out of the picture completely. Few people have heard of Parental Alienation Syndrome but this was one of the most severe cases my attorney ever saw and my ex even told me to my face that it was his goal to never pay child support again and he would take any means to succeed.
So over the last 15 years I have tried to reach out to her. Give her birthday and Christmas cards with money in them with never a thank you or a follow up dinner as she would promise me. Several years ago I moved two states away to marry a wonderful man with 3 kids. So along with my youngest daughter, Kylie, who's 16 now we live in a loving, conflict free house. We even join my husbands ex and her family for every birthday and holiday.
Fast forward 15 years and Susan moved to the state I moved to but didn't want to be in my life. She wanted to be around a certain community known for its relaxed view on drug use and hippy life style. In July she was struck by car while riding her bike. She was air lifted to a hospital two blocks from my place. Her injuries were quite severe and she required 7 surgeries in the 5 weeks she was there. Since her dad lived out of state I brought her home to rehab with me. I visited her every in the hospital. She refused to eat the food at the hospital so I brought her take out food every day. Not fast food but expensive takeout every day.
When we brought her home we bought her a bed, set it up in Kylie's room, the only place it would fit and bought a hospital table among other things to make her comfortable. Due to the fact that Kylie barely knows her and has seen how Susan has treated me over the years, she rarely comes home. Susan has been here over a month, I bring her 3 meals a day, plus snacks and filtered water which only comes from the kitchen downstairs. We have spent thousands on medical supplies, food she deems acceptable, clothing, furniture, outings for her and her friends, the list goes on and on.
when I was sick a few years ago and needed 2 Brain surgeries and heart surgery she never came to visit much less called the hospital to say hi. I almost died, twice, and nothing. She in visiting her dad soon because my husband and I are going away for the weekend for a trip we planned 2 months ago for our anniversary. She has to go to her dads because she's unavailable to completely care for herself or the pets we have. I want to see how she treats me while she's gone. I truly feel she doesn't love me but is using me until the lawsuit is over with lady who ran her over is completed. When she leaves for her dads I want to see if she reaches out without an agenda to contact me. Otherwise I feel I should pack up her stuff and put in storage and her dad who created this can take care of her.
My youngest has literally been ousted from her home and rarely comes home. I can't blame her since her private space has been taken over by a pot smoking, hippy who let's her private parts hang out to be exposed to anyone who comes in her room.
The guilt I feel for having these thoughts is killing me. But youngest is my priority and I know Susan wants to return ASAP after our short vacation. Before the accident I hadn't seen Susan for 7 months even after I repeatedly asked her to join me for lunch. Her response to my requests was 'I'm in a happy place now'.
she has no job, no place to live, no means of supporting herself. I know when she gets her money from the accident she won't offer to reimburse us the thousands we've spent on her and I wouldn't accept it anyhow. And I know she'll leave and I'll be nothing to her again.
But the guilt is crushing me.