Did I do the right thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2012
Did I do the right thing?
3
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 12:25pm

Hello Everyone!

I'm new to this particular board. I just needed to vent and I am very interested in hearing any response good or bad. 

I finally had a breakdown today and feel I've made the right decision. Maybe I am acting like a child but it feels right for once.

My kid's aunt (my ex sister in law, but we remained friends so to speak) keeps playing what appears to be mind games with 

my two kids. She's done this for years and it has gradually gotten worse and worse. What she does is call here and speak

to the kids saying that she will come by and take them out, have a sleepover at her house, etc, and the kids get all excited

about this and as of the past year especially, this aunt calls last minute saying she cannot see them. Always calls and 

always makes plans and ALWAYS breaks them. We only saw her one time this past year, which was back in May. 

What kind of person keeps doing this? I understand things come up, but she has lied about some of them. There are

times where she says she had to work unexpectedly, go to the doctors, go to a wedding when in fact I've found out

she was spending time hanging out with her friends partying or seeing other family members. She always goes out

of her way to see the other niece and nephew, who live out of state. In fact, about 3 weeks ago she spoke with my

son telling him that she wanted to visit at the end of this month, but what do you know? She doesn't come and sees the

other family / friends instead. She will call once or twice a month, every month, makes plans, and cancel them. I thought

I was doing good by letting my kids speak with their aunt when she calls, but I think it is just hurting them more. 

Now onto the childish part on my end. Already being angered by the whole situation, what ultimately did me in was (trust

me I hate to say it) Facebook. She and I have been friends on there for quite some time. But, after seeing all of the 

pictures of her hanging out with other friends and family, and some posted only hours ago, I deleted her from friends.

She probably won't even notice that for the next few months to a year. 

Oh yeah, one day my son shocked even myself and got a hold of his aunt and told her how he felt. He basically said that

his feelings were hurt and he is sad when she makes plans and breaks them and that he really wanted to see her. He

asked why she does this all the time. Well, of course there wasn't a good excuse.

So now she is off of my Facebook and her number is blocked. It might sound bad but it finally feels good and a relief now. 

I know you shouldn't shut out your family, but she did this to herself, IMO. I am in no way hoping she comes crawling back.

I hope she doesn't. I can't believe she can do that to a 7 and 10 year old. Frown

That's pretty much all of it. Has anyone been in the same shoes? How did this work out for you? Has that person come

back eventually or never to this day? 

Thank you for you time!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Fri, 11-09-2012 - 10:54pm

Not sure if you did the right thing about facebook. But it´s not right from her to invite kids and afterwards don´t showing up. You son has told her about his feelings, but she didn´t change. There´s people who will never change.

If she ever calls back and invites your kid to something. You can tell her that your son couldn´t accept an invitation for a party because he had already made plans with her and she canceled as she always does. Make excuses to accept any invitation from her. She will get tired , get the hint or distance. Who knows....!

 

Just my sense of it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Fri, 11-09-2012 - 4:54pm

You did the right thing!

I have a story too...a friend of mine that I had known since junior high...well long story short..she's a facebook junkie and I'm DONE with her.Basically it's the fact that she had told me over 1 1/2 months ago that she would give me her new number because the old one got disconnected.I thought..ok..well then 1 month later I get ..."oh..can you give me your number"..well I'm thinking WHY didn't she ask me that the 1st time when she said that she would give me her new number???!! well so I gave her my ph# AND my e-mail address...well it's been 3 weeks since I gave her that info...and what do you know..she's been on FB and she NEVER once called me to give me her ph#...I'm done with the BS!! This person who states that she's always SO BUSY...BS!!Never busy for facebook so I'm done with it all.Very sad that some people would rather put a stupid social network infront of a friend BUT that's how the world is nowadays...She lost a REALLY good friend and the very sad part is is that she doesn't even have a clue! :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 6:25pm

Stay strong.  One of the best pieces of advice I received from this board was about forgiveness.  The jist of it was we can forgive people but we don't have to let them do the same thing over and over again to us. I so credit you son for speaking up to his aunt. I had an opposite situation occur where I'm out of town and I felt my SIL was blocking my access to my niece and nephew when I was visiting.  I just limit contact now.  My niece and nephew are now teens so they've got their own lives.