This is a Dilly; Advice Needed.....
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|Wed, 10-08-2003 - 11:48am|
My family is quite large..... Originally 7 in the family (including parents who are still married). So, originally there were 5 kids. Today we are all married & all have atleast one child.
We do not understand the oldest child: My bro (& his wife)...... The whole rest of us are simply exasperated with them - have been for many years. WHAT IS THEIR DEAL???
My bro is the oldest. He's now 47. He's always been "different" - in that he's sorta nerdy. Not real popular in school. He's the one of the 3 brothers who has a lot of emotion - cries, very moody.... He always has resented being a "III" (namedsake to my dad).... He says Daddy has always been disappointed in him - but there's no evidence. He's always been somewhat religious. I think he's the only one of us 5 who was a virgin at marriage. (Married at 24). He's VERY FRUGAL. He attends therapy & has for years.
They have a child who they treat like a GODDESS. All the other nieces & nephews are not their priorities - they even express they don't like to be around them sometimes.....and disapproval often at ways they are being raised by us others- which is not bad - just different than them.
He was the last of all of us to graduate college. (He worked on the school newspaper at age 34 !!??) His wife worked while he finished college. Now the both of them are hellbent on her staying home w/their only (spoiled) child. He can't ever seem to find a job that he likes. Finally he seems to have found one under a COUNTY!
They are ALWAYS LATE to any family functions. Like they're making a statement - or that they're not going to adhere to anyone ELSE's rules! They're always late -sometimes by MONTHS of acknowledging nieces/nephews birthdays. The little ones get confused -they don't understand. The rest of us seem to be able to make it on time.
They complain about not having money when the rest of us do. I believe in staying home w/kids but, by golly, if that's their priority, WHY do they bitch about not as much money as all the others of us ??????
The two of them have RANTED & RAVED at EVERY conversation about my (& my bro's) parents for YEARS. My mom is a packrat - they simply can't get over beating that dead horse. Like she's going to change. My dad just can't do anything right to suit them. They have their flaws, but they're really loving good parents!!!!
Bottom line with my bro & sisnlaw - DAMNED IF YOU DO; DAMNED IF YOU DON'T.
NOW - they live outta town. My parents have trudged (driven 14 hours) EACH WAY -- TWICE A YEAR to visit them for about 10 years. Wow!
My bro has always complained to me that sometimes they'd combine a trip to visit them with a meeting in a nearby state that my dad had to go to. He RESENTED the fact that he COMBINED the trips. Does it not make sense in saving time, $, & trouble ????????????
Would he rather they go to the nearby meeting & not stop to see them??
Currently, Bro & Sisnlaw are having a lot of structural problems w/their frugal house - flooding, plumbing, construction etc.... Well, my mom thinks they'd be imposing to visit them now & told them & my folks have decided not to go til next spring (in order to avoid a bitter winter).
What does my bro do??? Gets mad - tells me that there must be another reason - that their "consideration" is not acceptable & implied that they just must not want to see them!!!!!! arrrgghghh!!! My mom is trying to be thoughtful. Explain this to me. With as much trouble as they've gone to in the past to visit them & now he's complaining.
The two of them incessantly complain about my parents.: They are in terrible shape, they drive bad, they are doing stupid things w/their money, they are leaving a "squalored" house for us kids when they die. Is there something underlying all this?
Lately, they're complaining about us siblings (I'm sure more than I know)..... Lately, they say there's a serious lack of MATURITY in our family --- they are trying to say that they think we drink & don't go to church enough - I believe. We are DECENT people - all of us & we raise decent families. I'm not saying we all don't drink - but we're not drunks & we don't have squalor houses & we all have had sex before marriage.......
They complain because NO ONE ELSE will get on their bandwagon to pick on our parents.
Since my (OUTTA STATE)bro was REPLACED as their executor with my INSTATE 2nd brother, they've done nothing but bitch about the "job" he's doing......(I think there's some jealously & resentment there) They say if he's not going to get on that bandwagon & bitch directly to my parents about their squalor house & "bad" (in THEIR opinion) decisions about money that HE should be replaced w/"someone" who can do the job......
ALL THIS B/C PEOPLE HAVE OTHER OPINIONS THAN THEM!!!! WHY DO THEY ASSUME THEY'RE RIGHT ABOUT ALL THESE THINGS - & EVERYONE ELSE IS GROSSLY WRONG ????
I wonder how they're going to feel when my parents do die???? Why does my sisnlaw have the right to talk so badly behind their backs????
IT'S JUST ALWAYS SOMETHING. What is the real problem here??????
WHY is that all they want to do - complain?????? Is INSECURITY the word??? or Jealousy? or what???? What can my family do??? Is it just to make them feel better? Why do they do it all the time?
I've wondered sometimes if he is really gay - b/c he just can't seem to find his nitch.
Sorry for the long message - I'm really upset! I hope someone will tell me what they see in this.....