Divorced Mom & Dad still have issues
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|Tue, 09-09-2003 - 11:35am|
My Mom has been with her boyfriend for almost 6 years now and he treats her well. She seems happier than she ever was with my father.
I was remarried last weekend. My father made many attempts to intervene up until the wedding date because my DH is self-employed and, in my father's eyes, he doesn't have a job. (My DH brings home more $ in a day than I make in a week.) My Dad tried many times to lecture me about my DH but I told him that if he had any issues with my DH, he should discuss them with him as I was not going to be stuck in the middle. The issue has since subsided, for now.
Our wedding was a small one, parents only, and my Dad graciously offered to buy dinner for everyone after the ceremony. My mother was uncomfortable with this, so she did not participate. My father was sad that my Mom wouldn't join us. This was the first time my Mom & Dad have seen each other since their divorce. My Dad behaved respectably, asked Mom how she was and shook her boyfriend's hand. Mom was curt and avoided my Dad. After the ceremony, my mother's boyfriend warned my Dad, while they were in the men's room, that he didn't like him and wasn't going to be his friend. My father hasn't mentioned this to me.
I can see both sides. I understand that my Mom is angry at my Dad for the way he treated her. (I always stood up to him, even if it meant a beating. Now that I'm older and don't depend on him for clothing and shelter, Dad is learning to respect his boundaries with me. Since I'm an only child to both parents, it's quite an impact when I don't visit for some time.) Mom taught Dad how to treat her by allowing him to get away with abusing her for 30 years. I think she needs to accept her part as well.
I try to stay out of the middle but I'm very disappointed that Mom's boyfriend chose my wedding day to speak to my Dad. I think my Mom's boyfriend was disrespectful to speak to my father like that on his daughter's wedding day.
I'd like to be able to tell my Dad, the next time he brings up the subject, that he should accept the part he played in my Mom's unhappiness and learn from the experience. I'd also like to make my Mom and her boyfriend aware that she is also responsible for her own unhappiness with my Dad because she allowed the abuse to continue. I'm growing tired of my parents always blaming the other, however, I don't want to stir up problems between me and my parents. Should I just say how I feel and accept the consequences or should I just ignore the childishness?