Do I Owe Money?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Do I Owe Money?
22
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 1:55pm

A previous post about loaned money brought me here to talk about a situation I am in.

My DH and his exW went through a difficult time when they were still married and my DH's BIL loaned them a significant amount of money to help get through it. This happened many years ago. DH made some payments on the money. I have no idea how much and neither does he. I know he stills owes

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 4:26pm
I would do exactly what you're doing. No you didn't incur the debt but you have done what you can (and still continue to do so) so the debt is paid in full. I respect that and as soon the money in the savings account is sufficient to pay off the debt speak the people involved and finally put this uncomfortable issue to rest. They will respect so much in your desire to do the right thing. Thanks for posting and reminding us all how important doing the right thing is.

Good luck!!

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 9:11pm

It's his business, between him, BIL and SIL.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 5:19am
I don't know why it makes you so uncomfortable - it's nothing to do with you and if his sister and BIL are okay with the current situation, why should it bother you? Is it possible they don't even expect the money back? You say they are financially well off, that his sister has asked you not to send them money, and they seemingly never question your husband about it or ask for the money back. Isn't possible they've just come to the conclusion that you guys need the money more than they do so they are happy to right it off? You seem to be the only one who thinks there is a pink elephant in the room.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 8:23am

I applaud you for wanting to pay it off, but I think this is something that must be agreed to between you and your husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 10:37am

Thanks for all of the input.

He does know about the savings account. He just doesn't know in my head why I put the money in there. He has asked a couple of times what the balance was and I've told him but that's the extent of the conversations about it. I thought I would cross that bridge when there was enough money in there to pay it off.

I'm going to reread all the posts and see where I find my peace. Again, thank you for taking the time to respond.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 11:34am

you have alot of different emotions & feelings going on, regarding this money owed.

1st, you need to think, this all happened before you were involved with DH, so it (honestly) doesn't involve you, so you shouldn't feel guilty about it, you never asked for the money......this is all between DH & SIL/BIL, if they want the money? thay confront DH.

2nd, you & DH NEED to be on the same page, regarding the money & you should talk to him, about you feeling guilty & feeling responsible to pay the money.....and see what his personal reasons are, for not really caring to pay money back? honestly, if he doesn't care, then neither should you (it doesn't really involve you, you are treating this more as a bank loan, that you are half responsible to pay on it, since you are married), but it's not a bank loan, it's his family, who lent him the money.

well, whatever you decide, good luck & I hope you get peace of mind about it!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 2:50pm
swimercise wrote:
. . . finally put this uncomfortable issue to rest. They will respect so much in your desire to do the right thing. Thanks for posting and reminding us all how important doing the right thing is.

Good luck!!

San

She (OP) is the only one who is uncomfortable about it.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 5:34pm

Since your SIL said to stop sending payments I think that means that she has decided to view the money as a gift and forget about it. If she wanted to be repaid she would likely accept payments no matter how small the amount. I think that lets you off the hook especially since you weren't even in the equation when the loan was made.

Personally, I would insist that my dh explain to me why he doesn't like to talk about it, why he doesn't care about repaying the debt, how he can not know how much is unpaid, and/or if the issue was ever actually resolved between the involved parties.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 7:19pm
I stand by my response. When the savings account is at the level that she can have a sit down with everyone will open the lines of communication to resolve the issue.

I still respect her for wanting to do the right thing....if she thinks it needs to be resolved then it's the right thing. She isn't like others who would disregard the debt and move on which is NOT the right thing.

Again my opinion and I stand by it regardless of your opinion of my post.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 12:48am

Not meaning to quote Robert DeNiro, but are you talking to me?

Pages