Do I Owe Money?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Do I Owe Money?
22
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 1:55pm

A previous post about loaned money brought me here to talk about a situation I am in.

My DH and his exW went through a difficult time when they were still married and my DH's BIL loaned them a significant amount of money to help get through it. This happened many years ago. DH made some payments on the money. I have no idea how much and neither does he. I know he stills owes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 10:22am
No I wasn't talking to you. It was important to me that the OP knows that I support her efforts to right a wrong even though she wasn't around at the time it was incurred. I respect that there are different opinions but since most responses were for her to mind her own business I wanted her to know not everyone shared that opinion without posting a response disputing each opinion. I've been on these boards for many years and never could understand when one gives a differing opinion it sparks a debate. If I don't agree with a response I leave it alone and respect that differing opinion.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 11:18am

Fine.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Fri, 03-09-2012 - 12:32pm
"Personally, I would insist that my dh explain to me why he doesn't like to talk about it, why he doesn't care about repaying the debt, how he can not know how much is unpaid, and/or if the issue was ever actually resolved between the involved parties."--elc11

I agree. I do think the OP has justified feelings in being uncomfortable--she's married to someone that she feels doesn't repay debts he's incurred. This would make me feel uncomfortable if I was her. I really don't see this is much different from taking on debt through marriage from a bank. It's still debt, and families should be concerned about amounts owed within the family--we've all heard how this can hurt relationships. I think it's commendable that she's concerned, but they all need to talk. The sister shouldn't be sending messages through the mother either. If the sister's getting payments from OP, then the sister should have talked to OP directly about stopping the payments.

OP, talk to you husband. Find out what actually has transpired, and let him know how uncomfortable you feel owing anyone money. He should respect your feelings about this, too, because it's not none of your business--you're married to him, the one in debt.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Fri, 03-09-2012 - 1:02pm

>>OP, talk to you husband. Find out what actually has transpired, and let him know how uncomfortable you feel owing anyone money<<

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 12:20am

Hi, probably you are too proud to owe someone money, as I am. But the loan was for your DH and his ex wife. You didn`t use that money at all, I assume. So it´s your DH husband affair with this two people. Try to put that in mind and don´t be over responsible. Trying to pay a lean also given to the ex wife? Don´t you think that is going too far?

Just my sense of it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 3:43pm

I'm curious, how did you find out about this loan between your husband and his ex-wife to begin with, and how many years has it been since they received this loan?

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 9:58pm

I think your SIL may have asked you not to send anymore money, not because of the amount you were sending but because she did not feel comfortable with you paying her brother's debt. Maybe they have forgiven the debt and have moved on and are not worrying about it.

You were asked not to send anymore money by the people the money was owed to, maybe you should appreciate and respect that. It is really a family matter between them and not you especially since you were not even in the picture when this debt was incurred. I think your being told not to send any more money was your SIL's nice

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 4:01am
Actually, I think the MIL told the OP to not send any more money. I got the impression that SIL had a conversation with MIL, but explicitly did not contact OP directly. OP is a member of the family.
I don't have the same feeling that many seem to have about married couples being so separate. I tend to think that debts and wealth are shared when marriage is entered into by both the husband and wife. I think this is how the law usually views the union of marriage, too.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


-------------------------------------------------
http://www.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 8:41am
"I think this is how the law usually views the union of marriage, too."

It's not that simple and laws on it vary depending on the state and circumstances.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 2:09pm

The message was sent to OP via the mother inlaw from the sister inlaw and there is no reason to believe the SIL did not send the message, so the message non the less was DO NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY. The law does not view the debts of married couples