Do I send this letter to my sister and risk--what??
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|Sun, 11-21-2010 - 7:59am|
Background: I am in my late fifties, my next sister, call her A, is 3 years younger. She has not spoken to me in several years, owing to a disagreement I and my siblings had with her around the time of my mother's death. She has always been a bit of a problem, quick to anger and hold grudges, cuting people off, etc. She communicates with my other sister (S) as if she is a polite, cordial acquaintance. If I ran into her, she would treat me the same way, on the surface friendly (for other people to see) but beyond that a wall of ice.
Last month my daughter was diagnosed with cancer. She's 25. It's a virulent, fast moving breast cancer. She's getting great treatment, and we're hopeful, but this is the scariest time of our lives, ever. Family, friends, neighbors have rallied round. My other sister (S) informed A about this at the beginning, before we had all the details. I got a short, polite email from A saying she was sorry, we must be devastated, she wished us the best. Since then, when we've found out the full, devastating news, NOTHING. No calls, no emails. Her daughter has written and kept in touch (she's a good kid) so I imagine A must be keeping up with the news through her.
I am hurt beyond measure about this. Previous to our falling out, she and her daughter (she's a single mom) came for Christmas every year, so they were close while my daughter was growing up. The cousins are close. My sister has a very deep-seated anger, obviously. We had a tough childhood, alcoholic mother, yadda yadda. I've written my sister a letter expressing how I feel and asking her to explain her own choice to remain distant. I've been careful not to be accusatory, just to express my pain and fears and how her absence affects us. I've told her she is free to choose how to handle us, but I don't think I can return an offer of simple cordiality as the basis for our relationship. Her daughter is getting married next summer, so I will probably see her then.
Should I send the letter or just let sleeping dogs lie and deal with this pain on my own? I don't know what goes on in her head and I don't want to upset her, but she is my sister and I'd like her to know how I feel, how her behavior has affected me. I'm very confused.