Does this sound normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
Does this sound normal?
7
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 11:50pm
My sister is divorced and she is dating a divorced guy. They have been dating a year now. My sister’s boyfriend has 3 kids and their ages ranges from 8 to 15 yrs old; my sister never had kids with her ex husband. The oldest one is the lady of 15 yrs old.

My sister’s boyfriend will give her daughter for her 15 birthday a trip to Mexico for 5 days. But the girl won’t go with her real mom, she will go with her dad, but because the dad does not know how to deal with a teenager, I mean keep her busy without staying bored because of the age thing and how teenagers behave; the dad invited my sister to join them for the trip, my sister and the daughter get along. I mean, the normal thing would have been if the real mom goes with her daughter to the trip just the two of them, not necessarily the father since they are divorced, but since the dad is the one giving her the gift, he is the one going with the daughter, but he invited my sister, he even will pay half of my sister’s plane ticket. The mother was not taken into account for this trip.

Don’t you find this odd or normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 12:25am
Completely normal. Nothing odd at all. The parents are divorced - as in forever, as in completely separate people, with completely separate lives - except that they share three children in common. The father has equal rights to spend time with his daughter, and take vacations with her, as the mother does.

I don't understand why you think the *normal* thing to do is to go with her real mom, and not with her dad. Why??? The father being divorced from the mother does NOT mean he has divorced his children!!! Why, for gosh sakes, would you consider it *odd* for her to go with her father, just because he is divorced from her mother? I don't get it at all... Please explain!

Dad is being very SMART, I think, and your sister is among the rare *few* who actually get along with their boyfriend's 15yo daughter from a recently-divorced marriage. Your sister is very LUCKY. It would be completely improper and ODD for Dad to invite the ex-wife on this trip (they are divorced, remember), so he did the most sensible thing to invite his GF for female/adult guidance for his daughter (and, extra benefit, to avoid any talk or accusations of impropriety with his daughter). Paying for half of your sister's fare would be expected; but I believe he should go even further and pay for her entire fare, if he could afford it.

I find nothing ODD about this situation at all. Quite the contrary, I find it VERY normal and even lucky for everyone involved. (Except perhaps the mother, who might be whining about not getting to go to Mexico; and you, who apparently thinks Dad should abandon his daughter because he divorced her mother.)

Msfit


Edited 11/19/2003 12:26:39 AM ET by msfit777

                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 9:37am
Maybe its the culture I am from but I dont find this odd AT ALL, it sounds totally normal to me. I think it would actually sound WAY weirder if the dad paid for his ex wife (the girls mom) and his daughter to go to Mexico for 5 days, that would be weirder to me. This situation sounds totally normal to me. Actually tho I think if its his idea for your sister to go he should pay her way fully not 1/2.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 10:12am
I agree with the last two posters. It would never have occurred to me to think this was strange. After all, you don't know what the real mother thinks. Maybe she has her own life and gets to go on her own holidays and she is a real nice person and thinks its wonderful that her daughter gets along so well with his dad and his new partner.

I would suggest that you let people who are getting along, get along and don't try to make a good situation into a bad one.

Lots of girls get along better with their Dad than they do their Mom - even if the parents are still happily married to one another. When I was growing up I loved doing things with my Dad. He was a surveyor and travelled all over England to check out houses and I went along whenever I could.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2001
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 12:36am

I think it is normal.

CL for 11 years
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 9:31am
I don't find this odd in the least. The only thing that I find sad here is that the Dad doesn't know his own daughter well enough to "entertain" her on a trip. I am not even particularly close to my own dad (IMHO) but I believe he and I would have got on famously if we'd taken a 5-day trip together at that age. We used to go do a lot of things together, sports, shopping, and such... But on the other hand, it's rather sweet of him to think of his daughter and invite the girlfriend (great that they get along also) to ensure a good time is had.

Inviting the girl's mother to take the trip would seem VERY strange indeed. The mother and father are divorced, right? Maybe I have misunderstood something here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 5:50pm
I think the OP's original question concerned whether it was normal or odd for the daughter to go on a trip with her father and father's GF, versus the daughter going on a trip with just her mother (OP thought daughter and mom should go alone, just the two of them).

Just trying to clear up some confusion...

Msfit

                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2001
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 9:55pm
Thanks, but I wasn't confused. I gave my answer and advice based on the OP original post and what advice I had to give based on my own personal experience.
CL for 11 years