don't know what I'm supposed to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
don't know what I'm supposed to do
3
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 10:52am

Hi There ~~


I'm new to this board, but not to iVillage and I have a problem that I don't know how to deal with. I know what I want to do but can't, because it just isn't right. But I'm ahead of myself.


I am the youngest child of six with a husband and son of my own.

Vicki

You may be only one person to the world,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 9:10pm

...bump... It sounds to me like your mother could use some help from her doctor - perhaps some depression medication, or a firm scolding about getting exercise, or referral to a therapist, something. You've done about everything you can do, and understandably are at the end of your rope and your patience.


My MIL is very much like that, but instead of COPD she has imaginary illnesses. Imaginary, but to her they're real. She's seen lots of doctors who tell her she's fit as a horse, and psychiatrists who tell her it's all in her head, but she won't hear of it - they're quacks, she KNOWS she's sick. She's having a heart attack. She's having an asthma attack. She can't breathe. She can't exercise because her legs hurt, then she can't breathe, and she might have

                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 1:18am

Thanks for your thoughts/suggestions. We've tried almost all of those things, truly. I think that her main problem is that she doesn't have anyone to worry about anymore... all six of us kids are finally out of her house and her hair and have families/responsibilities of our own.. except for herself, therefore she will sit in her chair, watching court TV or something equally depressing and wait for something on her to hurt or twitch, then its' a race to see what she thinks is wrong and how long before she calls the dr for it. In the meantime, she will call us (by us, I mean the girls in the family, she doesn't bother my brothers nearly the way she does us) and continually tell us about the problem (along with various other bodily functions she's performed (or hasn't performed) that day) wondering IF she should call the dr. No matter what we say, she does the opposite.


And as far as a schedule, we had that for a while when I, and then me and dh lived abov her. I would go downstairs to see her every day...things weren't quite this bad back then tho, which is why I believe it is because she has no one to take care of. I try to do that now, going over to visit, calling each morning within a certain time (usually between 8-9 am) and stopping by if my son and I go out. Do you know how hard it is to take a 2 y/o to his gramma's only to have her fuss over the crumbs he makes on the floor, or to have her sit there and cry because she "probably won't be here next year. I'm going to miss so much with him!"... this is what I get every other time we see her lately. She is waiting now to move into one of those senior apartment complexes (this could take a long time, she's only just recently been put on the list) and she's worrying about what she's going to do with all her things, how she'll afford it (she does have 6 kids who wouldn't let her live in a cardboard box, remember). I thought this was a good thing... she'd make a friend, someone to have coffee with, but no. What we got was "I don't need any da** friends! I'm 74 years old, who needs friends at my age! Bingo? Only old farts play Bingo!"


It's just one thing right after the other with her and I think today might've been the last straw with me. I found out that after all the crying she did on Sunday about how she didn't have the money, didn't want to go shopping, didn't know what to get anyone blah blah blah, she turned around and had one of my sisters do it. Not me, I only live across the street and this sister lives 30 mi away. And to top it off, she told me that she didn't want my brother to come over but she "just couldn't tell him no" but just yesterday

Vicki

You may be only one person to the world,

Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 9:00am

I'm sorry to hear that your mother is having such a hard time growing older.