Elderly Father self destructing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2011
Elderly Father self destructing
11
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 1:42pm

I'll try to keep this brief.

Two years ago, my mother died, and my father was devastated. He sought grief counseling, and my siblings and I rallied around him to provide support during his and our recovery.

Shortly after he begun counseling - 6 months after my mom died - he met a woman and quickly began a serious relationship with her. We supported him and encouraged him to exercise caution. Sadly, this woman came with a truckload of problems, insecurities, and truckload of unrealized expectations for a relationship with a recent widower.

Fast forward one year, and the woman has encouraged him to cut off contact with my sister and brother, which sadly, he agreed to. They are now engaged, and my father cannot have a conversation with me that doesn't involve reprimand for not being happy for his engagement, for not asking about their relationship.

The fiancee emailed me not too long ago (I hadn't seen her in several months), told me how disappointed she was that my family couldn't be happy for her, and therefore, she was calling off the engagement. She cc'd my dad on the email, and this was the first he heard of it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 2:53pm

There really isnt much you can do at this point.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2011
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 10:28am

My advice would be not to let her win.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 11:51am
I believe police do a welfare check on someone that has been unreachable by the caller. Not because the person hasn't called or e-mailed out to someone.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 12:59pm

If the father is systematically alienating himself from family, and it is becoming apparent that he is personally not responding to emails.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2011
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 1:23pm

Yes, the police dept. is obligated to investigate any call coming into their office.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 2:08pm
Thanks! That's good to know! (had a little incident with my elderly mother this morning, and will write about it later in another thread.)

I'm a little unsure of the cops around here, though. I hope they would do their jobs like how you said. But I've had some of the most ignorant things said to me by these keystone cops..... seriously dumb stuff!!

I'm glad you told me their real duty.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 2:17pm
I'm still waiting on a return call from a sheriff's deputy for 3 days now. They're kinda useless out here.

I worked in social services, and have called social services for my elderly mother a couple of times. Once because my meth addict sister blacked her eye. My mother shut the door in their face the second time, and they never did anything either time, and never went back. I quit calling because my mother purposefully chose her path with my sister, and I can't fix her.

Cops out here sure aren't going to keep going to someone's house because they have alienated their family. Heck, it's a 45 minute drive to get out here from the sheriff's department. And they have a way of not doing their job. But, this new information is helpful to me. Thank you.

Just curious, what brought you to our board this morning?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 2:23pm
And yes, I agree that the first time APS shows up at their house, the OP will have even less contact with them. Both of them will be angry with the OP. BTDT.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 4:41pm

Where I grew up, the police are quite diligent about welfare checks, especially with the elderly.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sat, 07-30-2011 - 2:52am
Your post reminded me of something.... I live in the corner of 3 counties. One begins only about 100-150 yards away. The sheriff dept of that county moved, and I still don't know where!

OP, are you still here? We had a regular poster who had a very similar story, and I wish she was still here..... I don't have much advice, but we're here to listen and do what we can to help. ;)

 

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