Email abuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011
Email abuse.
6
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 2:06am

Hi all, 

I posted a short time ago about my familys never ending requests for money / or something from me, without as much as a "how are you these days" from them. The last time my yougest brother made contact was to ask for money for a cleaner for our mum, which I ignored and the requests and contact shrivelled up. The reason I ignored it is that he hasnt spoken to me in years and his kids are very young and crawl on floors and mine are big and the fact that my mum doesnt live up to his standards is more his problem than mine. My kids are not crawling on the floor at her home and when we went there, we actually thought the place is looking very clean indeed. His wife just wants it sparkling and I'm not paying towards that. 

Yesterday, another request came along from my sister. She only emails me, never calls, and I'm fed up as i call her from time to time and invite her for meals and have been a very good sister in the past, always supportive and caring and gone out of my way to help her. i helped her move house last year, and when I moved this year, she didnt phone to see how it all went. And then I invited her for dinner afterwards!  And yet she still doesnt think to pick up the phone when asking for money too, just another group email - there are a few siblings to ask. This time it was to share the cost towards a memorial plaque for our father who died over 43 years ago..

So i wrote back ( it was a group email) and said that I wont be contributing. I also added that I have honoured his legacy by writing a book about him and he left a legacy like no other. In the past i have honoured my late father, but dont want to do it now, as i have other expenses right now. 

Of course another email comes along to say ( this one from my middle brother) who writes that I have upset everyone, that Im probably adopted, that Im not a good sister and that I should change my attitude towards this family. This is from a brother who sends back invitations to family events, who re-gifts his own presents to give to my kids from when he was a child ( he's a horder and kept his childhood stuff), has never once shown any love or care towards me or my kids, has insulted me at every opportunity, and when i asked him if he wanted to contribute to the book I wrote about our father, only made a pathetic attempt to add something like the fact that he reckons dad would beat him with his belt most nights. So why does he all of a sudden want to pay money towards a plaque in our father name when he believe he was beaten with a belt? . And why does he feel its ok to bully me in an email, when he lives far away from me and has nothing to do with me? 

My response to them all was that bullying in an email will not get him very far and that I do not wish to be contacted in any group email any more. If anyone wishes to contact me, they can use the phone. There is so much dysfunction going on, that unless they can be civil and mature, i cant be around them. I went through a stage where I felt that I wanted my siblings around, but Im so over the abuse and feeling dissapointed by them, that i have now told them not to contact me unless they can pick up the phone. Hopefully, this will help. Any thoughts / suggestions would be helpful. Thankyou. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011
Fri, 09-20-2013 - 1:38am

Hi Sonny serg, Its still unbelievable that No One has contacted me at all to say anything about the email so this week I have ignored the 2 phone calls from my mother and basically cut the rest of them out of my life... 

Do you agree with me that this is the obvious decision? I cant win with any of my siblings.. no matter how many dinners I cook and how open my home is, they treat me with contempt and jealousy ... is that the same for you ? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 11:34pm

Congratulations. Someone thought you might be right. Teach them to treat you in a different way if not then take them out of your list.

Jesus Chri,t families are the hardest challege on earth.

I have been there, I swear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011
Sat, 09-14-2013 - 7:57pm

Can you believe not one person from the family group email list has phoned me to see if I am OK after the nasty email? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011
Wed, 09-11-2013 - 11:11pm

THanks SS and TP for your replies. It was very hurtful receiving an abusive email like that. And completely left field, like I did not expect that response at all. There has been a deathly silence from them all these last few days - including my mother, so its given them all something to think about. 

I agree with you wholeheartedly SS, and I know you have cut your family off too. Too many years of being used and taken for granted.   Its still upsetting that I was always the one to help everyone when they needed help. Now they can all fend for themselves and STOP contacting me by email, because they can't hide behind the emails now, and I wont be responding to anything any more. 

To TP, I honestly dont think ( even though I like your idea - its a thoughtful idea ) that individually contacting them and telling them anything over an email is effective. I agree more with SS that I need to let them walk out of my life, and leave me alone. As long as I keep putting myself out there for any of my siblings, I keep being dissapointed, and I cant keep doing this anymore. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2012
Wed, 09-11-2013 - 9:55am

I would have sent an individual reply to each one respectfully pointing out that they only time I ever hear from him/her is when someone needs money. And then ask if they want to be included in your purse strings than include you in their lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Wed, 09-11-2013 - 12:07am

If you want to have a relationship with your siblings and don't mind their being rude to you, then continue contact with them.  If you are beyond wanting them in your life, it's perfectly fine to just move on and leave them in the past making friends your new family.