Embarrassing Family
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| Thu, 04-03-2003 - 5:04pm |
I am single female that is in a relationship, though not ready for the altar just yet. I recently went home for the holidays and to my horror (not necessarily my surprise) I really realized that I come from a family of slobs. Slobs is really not the word to describe it, but its the best I can do in this public forum...plus I AM talking about my own flesh and blood. In any case, Its not just my Mom, but my Grandma, my uncles. Their homes are junky, smelly, messy and dirty and falling apart. My sister and I are not at all like this. For years I didn't understand my sister's aversion to this side of the family. I just thought she was a snob. But it just hit me that I too am totally disgusted by it. How could I possibly bring even the most loving and understanding man around this. He'd be horrified. Mothers and grandmothers tend to be indicators of the inherent nature of their daughters. Although not always true, this tends to be the perception. I am in a very promising relationship and would want him to meet my family. What should I do?? Lying is not an option. But I'm afraid avoidance won't work either....
Your comments are appreciated
Epi
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If not, just prepare him for it. If he truly is the ONE, then it won't matter. By the time you do bring him to meet your family, he should know enough about you to realize this isn't you.
Sit down and talk with him. Tell him the things that you love about your family. Things that you have learned from them. Tell him about their accomplishments and about their disappointments. And then tell him that although you love your family and have become who you are because of them, you are embarressed by the way they keep themselves and their house up. Prepare him that they are not bothered by the clutter and the smell. They just live and are happy and don't even notice the condition around them. Tell him you hope that he will be able to love them in spite of the mess and that he will get to know them as people and not judge them by the condition of the home and clothes.
I also think having dinner somewhere else is a great first meeting. Save the house for later. Give him a chance to get to know them. But he should be able to get over all these things because he loves you and wants to be with you.
Are you planning on a meeting or are you just thinking ahead??
Melissa
I suppose there's no way of getting around it. I don't want to hurt my family, but I also don't want my Bf to think that I may one day revert to living like that once we're married. Right now I am just thinking ahead. My family knows who he is and has spoken to him several times on the phone. He has offered to come and visit my family when I've been visiting, but I always come up with a reason to tell him no. I don't think he has any idea why. Anyway, he's a nurse and his father was a physician and he's very neat and health/hygeine conscious, which is why I'm a lit more concerned about this than normal. I know that cleanliness is very important to him. But I suppose you're right that if he loves me he'll get over my family. But I can imagine it wouldn't be easy. But again thank you for you comments.
Epiphany
Epiphany