Enough already!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Enough already!
17
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 11:47am

Last Friday, at the suggestion of a mutual friend, I received a fb message from a guy I went to HS with and have not seen in nearly 40 years. In the message, he suggested that we get together for "drink/food". Although I never had any romantic interest in this guy, after some consideration, I decided to accept. I mean, who knows, right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 12:06pm

I think a stern warning is all you need.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 12:18pm

Hi;

No dont call the police or anything .. But welcome to the world of internet cyber stalkers and idiot men. If you go over to the singles board and read about Online dating which sounds like what this guy is doing only on facebook and not actually on dating site. But I have seen people hook up and date and find relationships on facebook.

I am divorced and have been trying to meet men and doing some dating here and there since 2008.. I always run into what I call cyber stalkers.. They contact you and then they call you and then they say lets meet.. and they keep you on a string forever and then they never commit to meeting or a date or anything. they just stay in cyberspace by internet or phone or texting.

I had a guy I met back in August.. We were talking online and texting and talking on the phone.. I assumed we were going to continue and maybe date.. Well? About a month into talking on phone he says he was sorry but we live the distance between us is too much. I said okay.. bye and I wish you well.. Over the last few months since last July he has constantly tries to email me , IM and do yahoo messenger.. There are days I admit that I grow week and answer him.. Most of the time I do not answer him at all.Now just this week I felt lonley and he started doing t his cyber crap again.. I read

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 2:18pm
Thank you both for your responses. I really wasn't "ready" to call the authorities, but since I dislike drama and am inclined to simply "wish things away", I wanted to make sure that by doing so, I wasn't being too complacent. Frankly, I don't feel in danger as much as I feel uncomfortable...and annoyed. I do have one other question...If he contacts me again, should I answer/respond or ignore him completely? Although I have politely told him that I'm not interested, I did not say "leave me alone & do not connact me again" and according to his last message, he didn't take the hint. The funny thing is, I do not generally accept invitations initiated like this (I prefer to meet & get to know men through group activities before going on dates) & I have never done any online dating, but this time I decided to make an exception & give it a shot. Never again! =)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 3:18pm

Hi;

Dont take this too seriously because it happens. Its not your fault and you had no control over it..

If he emails again just tell him you decided against meeting him.. If he doesnt take no for an answer then block him from everything.. He should get the hint after that.

I have blocked so many men for one reason or another..

Yes; It is very uncomfortable and its normal to feel that way... Yes; better to meet people IRL unfortunately I am doing both because at my age its harder to meet people IRL.. so I do both for balance.. I have learned now that there are some nut jobs out there and one has to be careful and just be aware of it..

Take Care

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 6:04pm
Hopefully, he will give up, but if he does contact me again, I will follow your advice. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 12:10am
I vote for social ineptitude instead of "extremely controlling, manipulative and demanding."

You must have made quite the impression on him all those years ago.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 10:52am

You could and should have blocked him and unfriended him a long time ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 5:47pm

he sounds like his mentality is still very much h.s.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 9:53am

I realize I'm coming in late on this thread, but for what it's worth, in my opinion, you've already given him all of the information he needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 11:20am

Azure--

Since all of this happened in a period of less than 3 days and it was the first time he had ever contacted me directly, I had no cause to block/unfriend him "a long time ago". I did not respond "a lot"--I only responded 5 times, 2 of which were before I had any reason to be concerned, 1 was to politely suggest that he stop texting by saying that I would talk to him on Monday, 1 was to tell him that I had changed my mind about our date, & the last was to tell him that I did not owe him any explanation of my whereabouts or my reasons for cancelling & to leave me alone.

You criticize me for reading his messages...but if I hadn't read them, how would I have known that there was even an issue? The moment I DID begin to feel uncomforable, I cancelled the date...when the texts continued, I told him to back off. Incidentally, in the meantime, I contacted the friend (who had suggested that he call me) and she said that he hadn't dated much, if at all, since his divorce & was probably just "socially handicapped". With that in mind, I did not wish to overreact. I mean, there is a big difference between being weird and being malicious.

Frankly, I came here asking for advice on how to proceed...not for a judgement on what I "could and should" have done had I been clairvoyant enough to know what was to come. As a matter of fact, I came here when I did so as to be prepared for how to handle the situation if he does contact me again.

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