Ex husband issues.....

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Ex husband issues.....
15
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 9:15pm

Okay, I need help to sort thru my feeling insecure & inferior, when it comes to my ex (my dd's father).....I need help with not feeling guilty and 'why' I am feeling guilty?!

My ex, paid child support, per divorce agreement fine, for 7 years. When, we got divorced, we agreed on an amount, then each year, he was making more & more money......I am not greedy, so I never went to modify my support, to get more, in seven years of him making more and more money.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 11:23pm

You should always go thru the courts for child support - always - no exceptions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 1:17am
It's not that "you" have a right to his money, your daughter does. Ask yourself this- when money gets tight for you, would you not give up just about anything for yourself in order to provide for your daughter? Your ex is using your guilt to get out o his obligation to your daughter. Your choice is whether you want to fight for her, or slowly phase him out of her life. If he's not invested in caring for her/spending time with her/sacrificing for his daughter then she may be better off if he had less impact on her life.

Lastly, as a mom myself, I don't think I could ever send my child to stay somewhere that she wasnt being properly cared for. If those visits aren't court ordered, why on earth would you send your child somewhere that meals aren't guaranteed?

I read your other post too, I can tell that you want the best for her. I get that he's her "father" (yes, I think my use of quotes is funny here, lol.) but if he's not acting like it, or interested in being one, maybe you figure out a way to live without him. My guess is that you and DD would be better off in the long run.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 1:46am
You feel guilty because he wants you to.

Look at this way, with an example, if you will.... (not a really good example, haha, but it's the first thing I thought of!)

About 8 years ago DH got laid off from the best paying job he'd ever had, basically more than we ever dreamed of. Instead of putting off house payments or trying to get them reduced (they were pretty high considering all), I began doubling them. I knew the money would be running out and then we'd be in trouble. We were so close to having it paid off. And we did it. (we were dirt poor after that, but that elephant was off our backs.)

Your ex could have paid ahead while his salary was moving up, put child support into a savings account, whatever he needed to do to ensure that child support was paid. He didn't.

Too bad, so sad.

Try not to let conversations veer onto this topic. That way he can't make you feel guilty. If he starts again, say the doorbell's ringing, or a fire ant(s) is biting you. Everybody will let you off the phone when you tell them that.

 

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 10:31am

Yes, yes, thank you!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 10:38am

Well, I 'mostly' send her, because SHE wants to go visit.......she is 12 now, and I am (more or less) letting her decide.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 10:44am

ooooo, good point!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 5:29pm

Was her loss of a couple of pounds really unhealthy?

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


-------------------------------------------------
http://www.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 7:48pm

No,

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 10:07pm
I have a question, if anyone knows this? If my ex's wages are being garnished, once it starts, he can't just stop it, can he?

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 10:49pm
He can stop his wages from being garnished if he quits or changes jobs. Some men do it on purpose. But most get caught up with eventually.

 

Pages