Family Counseling Dilemma
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|Tue, 05-20-2003 - 5:44pm|
Anyway, jump to the present. I haven't seen my niece(4yrs) and nephew(8yrs) since Christmas, when b4 I would see them maybe once or twice a month. The only communication I have w/my sister has been thru email, and that is not very often. And most of the time she is making excuses for herself by blaming our mom and not taking any responsibility for herself. I don't know what problems she has w/my mom but those are not my problems. She has basically cut my mom out her life, and my mom is just devastated. She misses her daugher and her grandchildren so much. From what I gathered from most of my sister's emails, she is mad at me because I don't feel the same way about our mother as she does. I love my mom and I don't have a problem w/her. She doesn't understand that her relationship w/our mom is her business not mine and to not mix all that up w/me and my dh!
As far as I know, she was in an outpatient treatment program last month, but I think she's finished for now. Right after the email from BIL I suggested, or rather my dh suggested for me because I was too upset to communicate w/them, that we all need to have some sort of family counseling, but they would not agree to that. Whenever she would bring up getting together to talk, I would tell her I wasn't comfortable w/that right now, unless there is a counselor present, too many heated emotions to deal w/on our own. They would not agree to that either. So we just basically stopped communicating up until a couple of weeks ago. She sent me an email wanting to know if my dh and I would like to meet w/them to "see where everybody stands" and if I still wanted a counselor present. My counselor suggested I offer to meet w/them maybe w/someone she knows from the treatment facility, so she wouldn't feel threatened, like if I only offered my counselor to do it. So I did that and now she is going to ask her marriage counselor to do it. I was glad she finally made this next step w/us but now I'm kinda uncomfortable w/the whole idea! But I said that was fine, since any communication w/them at this point is something.
Now I'm nervous, wondering what in the world do they want to talk to us about and w/their marriage counselor?? I feel like they're going to be attacking me and my dh, like they're going to gang up on us. And we're not the ones w/the drug problem! I'm so sick about all this. I understood what my counselor suggested, but she meant maybe someone at the treatment center, I don't think she meant their marriage counselor. To me that counselor is going to be more biased, as mine would be I guess, because she only knows their side of the situation, of course. I can't help but wonder what all my sister has told her counselor, what lies mostly, because w/all the stuff that came out after she was found out about the drugs, we found out she was lying to her dh about me and my dh and my mom, about money, how she got the drugs, etc...so we know she will lie when she's pressured. I know I shouldn't occupy my thoughts with all this and just wait to see what happens. I know I'm just wasting my energy on this worrying but I'd like to know what you all think about having the counseling session w/their counselor? And shouldn't my mom be included? Thanks so much for your advice.
Edited 5/21/2003 4:46:32 PM ET by jenidarlin