Family Loans

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Family Loans
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 8:02pm
I am writing a story about family loans and I'm gathering experiences to liven up the article-and questions to ask experts. Where do you stand? Do you think the type of relationship makes a difference, or instance, should your reaction be identical whether it's an adult child vs. a second cousin asking for an advance? What about if the person being asked for dollars obviously has enough to give, should that impact the decision of being asked or given the money?

If you've lent to, borrowed from or turned down kin, I'd like to hear about the circumstances, as well as what worked and what didn't. Would you do anything different next time? Has it affected the relationships between the parties involved? Were there any other alternatives you considered, and what ruled them out? What about unintended or unforeseen repercussions?

Please feel free to contact me via my email or by posting here.

Thanks so much for all your help! Your insights and advice will give others an advantage.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2002
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 4:58am
This is good timing. I've just posted a problem I'm having with a loan from my uncle. If I'd known back then that it would be more trouble than it was worth, I would not have accepted his offer!! Because of this experience, I believe family members shouldn't borrow or lend money to each other. I know I certainly won't :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 10:22am
There is this saying:

Whenever you loan money to a relative, write it off as a gift. That way, if they don't pay you back, it is no big deal. If they do pay you back, then it is an unexpected windfall.

As far as my experience. I have borrowed money from relatives before. I have had no problems (and pay them back BEFORE the credit cards) except recently. And I think I posted this to the board.

I borrowed money from my aunt and she started to harp on my dad that I had not repaid her. She told me "not to worry about it" so I wasn't worried about it until my dad told me that she was asking him for the money. I thought it was very rude of her to keep discussing this with my dad when she never once asked me for the money! My dad ended up giving me the money to repay her! I didn't ask my dad in the first place because I didn't want to bother him with my problems.

No one has ever asked me for money although I have offered. It would not make a difference their relation to me (bloodwise) but it would make a difference to me on their relationship with me. My brother, never would I lend him money (LOL), but I have some cousins who I would give money (or blood) in a heartbeat. The same thing with friends.

If you have a specific situation that we can help you with, please post it. Giving advice with generalities is just so hard as there are many factors!

Ejkdmom Come visit my store:
Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 10:27pm
Whether it's 20cents or $2,000, you make sure you get your loan back from your relative.

That way, you know they're responsible and trustworthy. Don't trust no one! Not even your good twin sister. I've loaned my older sister $2,000 so she can move into her new home. She's divorced now, and spends frivolously. She's always whining how poor she is, even though she makes seven times larger than my income. She promised to pay me back as soon as we move into our first home. That was 27yrs. ago, and today we're not speaking because of that. Her daughters borrow money from me. But if they don't pay me back upon promised date and don't call me to make other arrangements, you know they won't be coming back to me again, when they REALLY IN NEED of cash! They tell me: you can trust me, and I'll prove it to you thatI'm responsible blah blah blah, I won't be like MOM.. Then they do.

Rules same as for friends and neighbors. They hurt relationships. Guaranteed!