FAMILY PROBLEMS

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
FAMILY PROBLEMS
9
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 8:14pm
I'M 19 HAVE BEEN DATING A MAN OF THE AGE OF 29 FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS. WE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH, BUT MY FAMILY DISAPPROVES VERY MUCH. MY BOYFRIEND KNOWS THE SITUATION AND WELL HE SAYS THAT HE WILL WAIT TO BE WITH ME. I KNOW THAT I'M YOUNG TO GET MARRIED, BUT IF I COULD DO THINGS RIGHT THEN I WOULD WAIT UNTIL I FINISH COLLEGE. BUT I LOVE MY FAMILY AND WELL WE COME FROM A TRADITIONAL FAMILY SO IF I JUST LEAVE WITH HIM WELL THEN I WOULD NEVER BE SPOKEN TO AGAIN. I WANT TO GET MARRIED RIGHT BUT MY FAMILY DOESN'T WANT TO ACCEPT IT. WHAT SHOULD I DO? IN LOVE
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 8:26pm
Do things right.

Go to college. Live in the dorms. Get a degree. Marry him the day after graduation.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 10:08pm
Been there, done that exactly! OK, I was just out of high school, got a job, met BF. He actually proposed to me 6 months later. I TOLD HIM, tongue in cheek "why not in two year".

He stayed with me until we talked about it again. When I got my ring (New Year's Eve) I showed my parents, cornered my dad in the kitchen, and told him we're getting married.

He said: "Oh no! You're NOT!" Dh said: "No we're not! Not until June 15th".

We got married, they were happy, they paid for everything. So, if you make your parents happy, and they know you're in love and very happy, things will work out. Celebrated twenty nine years two months ago! Half of the people who got married that same year are already on their way for their 2nd and 3rd marriages. This guy truly was in love w/me and stayed w/me thru thick and thin. If that's not love, then what is? Not only did he married me, he treated my parents like they were his and my parents treated him BETTER than a son.

If your man TRULY IS IN LOVE WITH YOU, why rush it? Let him wait awhile, test how cold is the water before you jump into it, and find out there's thin ice up above.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 10:19pm
Perfect, perfect advice from those two posters. They are absolutely right on!!

"The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition. 2002.



Marry in haste, repent at leisure





If we marry without thinking about the decision, we will have a lifetime to regret the choice".




Edited 8/20/2003 10:21:07 PM ET by lizwil98

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 6:36pm
19 is too young, in my opinion. BUT I knew of a 19-year old girl, who married a 30 year old man, and ten years later they are still together. I ran into them recently; they are still married (don't know if they are happy, though).
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 6:37pm
GIRLFRIEND!!! You think ten years is bad? Try 21! Im 21 and my BF of 2.5 years is 42. Plus, my best friend is in the exact same age difference as you & your beau. So we feel for ya.

All your family is trying to do is protect you - they think that since he's older than you that he will try and manipulate you and then disguard you, and you wont see it coming. If he can prove that he's in it for love and not a fling then you should have nothing to worry about. Tell them that when its love, its love. Would they rather you have a BF your age that treats you like dirt or an older one that treats you like gold?

I had to convience my father that he wasnt just using me, and two and a half years later, my BF and I are still together, & very happy. Ive found that younger woman/older man relationships work out better than most b/c women mature faster than men do. It balances out.

As for marriage, I would wait til you finished college - 100% agree with the other reponses. If you 2 are still together, then marriage is definitely an option, especially if he supports you and encourages you. Good luck!

PS - The older ones know how to treat a lady with respect (out of experience) ;)
Avatar for mzgail31
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 7:49pm
Hi Dulce,

I'm new here but I couldn't pass your post without responding! I was in the exact situation that your in...ok he was only 5 years older, but I don't think age difference is the big issue here, I think you being 19 is the big issue! I was 19 when I got married and you know, even though we are still married (15 years later) and I love him dearly...if I were given the chance to do it again I wouldn't marry him at 19! I missed out on so much of my life and I regret that. I watched friends of mine go to college, get great paying jobs, have the single life, go out clubbing and go on great vacations and meet so many new people. I know that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence but I will never know any different will I? My advice would be to finish school, travel, go out with your girlfriends (without him mind you) figure out who you are first then you can figure out who you want to be with for the rest of your life and if your decision is the right one. Take a few years to do this, if he loves you and you love him then it will happen, believe me it will!

Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

Gail

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Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 9:15pm
Same goes with older women who look as young as 20's or 30's, having a great relationship with younger men who are old enough to be their son. If it's love, you'll find love, and not just another fling in the hay.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 11:42am
True that. Love is love!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 8:14pm
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COMMENTS THEY HAVE HELPED VERY MUCH.

DULCE_NINA