The family reunion I wasn't invited to...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2009
The family reunion I wasn't invited to...
17
Fri, 05-20-2011 - 10:28am

Hi all,

New poster here but I lurk a lot.

FoodieWorking Mom

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Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Hugs to you as this seems like a very unfair situation. I too am a stepdaughter, my Mom has been married for 35 yrs. It's only been the last 2 yrs that my stepdad has considered me part of his family and guess who is the one that cares for them both now that they can't take care of themselves! The last time my stepbrother brought his family to Canada for a 2 wk visit, he was too busy to drive 60 mins to visit his father. So I had to drive them 90 mins each way so that my stepdad could see his son & grandkids while his son was visiting a friend's cottage. I left them there for the day then had to go back & get them. My stepbrother didn't even acknowledge my existence let alone offer me a drink of water! I'm hoping I'm the bigger person & actually call him when his father dies but I'm thinking of just posting it on facebook. Sorry, this isn't about me.

So, I think your Mom is totally wrong about how she handled this. Even if she doesn't have the guts to stand up to her SIL or her DH & say that you are part of the family then she should have called you in advance to tell you what was happening & how sorry she was that these people are rude by not including you. Some people are really messed up & believe that families are only elated only by blood. Don't let this hurt your relationship with your Mom. Everyone makes mistakes even Moms. Maybe you could talk about how she might have handled it differently if she is open to this type of discussion.

Good luck, Dee
Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Dear Desert,
It sounds like you're feeling a little better and that your mom has shown some empathy, which is good.
I know what you mean about wanting to stop making the effort to keep in touch sometimes. You don't have to make efforts when you don't want to make them :) However, I'm sure you know that you have to be a friend to have a friend; so, there is always some balancing that we all have to do.
I think in any relationship, we need to reward the treatment that we want to keep getting; so, if you're happy that your mom has apologized and shows that she understands your feelings, I do think it's good to acknowledge this and focus on this positive point.
I'm glad that you're going on a trip with your husband and kids while the rest of them will be in SD--maybe they'll miss you more when they see the mural, too :)
Take care!

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2011

Ouch, I'm so sorry they were intentionally excluding you like this. And your step dad walked you down the isle for your wedding? You not only included him in your wedding, but honored him with walking you down the isle. That is very meaningful and he accepted. You did not even have to have him there.

There really is no excuse for these double standards. It's very hurtful and they should know that.

Similar to what another poster said, put as much energy as you can into your own life and the people who you matter to. Perhaps hide the facebook newsfeed or delete him/his fmaily if you want to reserve facebook friends to people who are truly more inclusive towards you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2011
I'm just now reading that he gave you away at your wedding?
I'm sorry you are right to be hurt.
That is a big honor and he should have invited you himself. Some people are verrrry clueless.
Not trying to stir you up, as I really don't see there's anything you can do except move past it.
Be glad you have your own DH and kids, that's a blessing. I really look forward to having that.
And yeah, sometimes I have to remind myself that one day my mom and dad won't even be around for me to call up and yell at them how much I hate them anymore, and I take a deep breath and just deal with them as is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
A mural of you? That's pretty neat.

I hope they don't post pictures of themselves next to it when you weren't invited! Yikes!

I see more clearly now why you're hurt. They're all traveling somewhere to meet up, just like you would be traveling. And they kept it a secret. Sorry....

We hope you stick around the board.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2009

Yes, it's a destination reunion in San Diego and my parents, brother and his girlfriend will be traveling about six hours to get to the spot (I just realized I don't even know WHERE in SD they're having it).

FoodieWorking Mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I just read in your last post that your mom, stepdad, brother and girlfriend are taking a "trip" to go to the reunion?

For some reason, that struck me as being worse than having one in the area. Cause then it does seem like it was more hidden.

Are they all going to a destination reunion? I missed ours last week, and it's only a few miles down the road. All the family travels over here, but i don't go cause they suck. So I'm probably not the best one to be talking to about it. But... the older I get, the more I don't care about people that don't show they care about me. Whether family or not, they're treated the same if they disrespect me.

Sorry for what you're going through.

Why are you going to look up the pictures on facebook? How about just not?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2009

No problem and thanks -- I feel the same way about family reunions (but apparently others don't agree with us lol).

And yes, I think you're probably right that my mom only had so much say.

FoodieWorking Mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2009

I know.

FoodieWorking Mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2009

Thanks for the empathy!

FoodieWorking Mom

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