FAVORITISM 2: Thanks to all ... More
Find a Conversation
|Fri, 11-14-2003 - 11:17am|
Danielle: My BIL is not the oldest. He is the middle child. Also, he has 2 girls and one on the way. He is also the farthest from my MIL. He lives in another state and is 3 hours from my MIL's house. My other SIL/BIL's (also have kids) live in the same town as my MIL and yet MIL bends over backwards for my loser BIL. You are very right when you said that MIL loves to feel needed. It's really a sick, but her actions tell me that she is intentionally doing this to make her independent and self-sufficient children feel bad (because they don't need her). My husband and his other siblings love their mother and father and they visit them often. They just don't make MIL work for them. So, why my MIL does the things she does for needy BIL is beyond me.
EJKdom: Thanks. I've been trying to make peace. But everytime I do, MIL and BIL do stuff that provoke negative feelings.
DNA399: You make a really good point. She loves to feel needed and probably wants to be remembered as a MARTYR. But if I were BIL, I would rather work on my own problems and not ask mother for help. You also make a great point about grandkids. It did cross my mind. Once I have a baby, I'm sure MIL will do things to offend me and my kids.
Hannstout: I'm not jealous. I couldn't care less for my MIL's attention. It's just plain disturbing to see a loser being enabled by his MIL so that he could be more of a loser. I also feel bad for my other BIL/SIL who have kids, live closer and don't get the attention. Just because other SIL/BIL's are self-sufficient, why does my MIL have to punish them for that? I mean, it's sick isn't it? Hubby and I are also pretty stable already. We have just decided to wait and spend time together and travel before having kids. I do think that BIL is jealous of hubby and I because we travel a lot (and cries to mommy so that he and wife can have fun too). So why they keep having kids (when they obviously just want to have fun) is beyond me.
Leslie: I doubt that she favors loser BIL merely because she loves kids. I got other BIL/SIL's who live in the same town as MIL, and MIL doesn't bend backwards for them. In fact, another BIL told me how offended he was that MIL had so many pix of loser BIL's kids and hardly of his. Is that right? I mean, other BIL/SIL's love MIL and pay her visits. They just happen to be self-sufficient and not need MIL to work for them. What's so wrong with that? To me, MIL does the thing with pictures (putting up those she likes and taking down those she doesn't like at the moment) to provoke hard feelings.
Bottomline is: MIL likes to feel needed. Because hubby and I are self-sufficient and independent and hardly calls her for favors, she doesn't like us.