First post here - sad about my sister

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
First post here - sad about my sister
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 5:22pm

I guess I just need to vent. I am very sad for my whole family - especially for my parents, my kids and my sister's kids. My sister and I haven't spoken for 3 months. It was over something stupid. When we had this current spat, we had been speaking again for about 6 weeks after a spat we had in July. I hate being like this and while I can't put myself in the position of being her best friend again, we are still family and still sisters.

I went to a funeral yesterday for my next-door neighbor's brother. (I knew him too) She was very close to her brother and what makes the situation even more heartbreaking is that she is pregnant and her brother died at his own hand. I left the funeral home yesterday and cried all the way home. I cried for my neighbor and her pain and I cried over the stupidity of the situation I am in with my sister. You never know what is going to happen and life is too short for this bulls**t.

I called my sister...she wasn't home. I left a message saying where I had just come from and that I wanted to spend the holidays with her and that our kids deserved to spend Christmas together (we both have 2 boys, close in age). I didn't care and it didn't matter who said what to whom or what it was about. I said that we both have our own lives and families to take care of and we didn't have to be best friends, but we are still family. I asked her to call me and told her I hoped she would.

I talked to my mom today after she had talked to my sister. I guess when my mom and sister spoke, my sister hung up on my mom. My mom asked my sister if she had gotten my message. My sister said she had and that they were spending Christmas at home,by themselves. My mom pleaded with my sister, but my sister just got mad and hung up on my mom. Apparently, my sister feels I owe her an apology for something I said to her in JULY. (Timeline...argument in July, didn't speak until mid-August, everything fine for awhile, argument in Sept., still not speaking) My sister can get REALLY nasty in an argument and our last argument was no exception. I could certainly say she owes me an apology, but it really doesn't matter to me. I could apologize to her but I stand by what I said to her during the summer. I was angry when I said it, but it was the truth.

It would be an apology for apology's sake only.

I just hate all of this. My boys want to see their cousins and it breaks my heart every time they ask why they havn't seen them in so long. BTW, my sister lives 3 minutes away from us...there's not even a stop light between here and there. I just want peace in the family. I guess there's nothing more I can do. My sister has problems and won't acknowledge them much less get help for them. I have three sisters in all. The sister that isn't speaking to me also isn't speaking to one of my other sisters. It's just ridiculous.

Sorry this is so long. I actually put it in a nutshell and I'm not good at conveying things in writing. I'm just so sad. I feel like I've been rejected by my sister again. It just hurts. If you got this far, thanks for reading.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 8:27pm
" I could apologize to her but I stand by what I said to her during the summer. I was angry when I said it, but it was the truth. "

Well, how badly do you want to mend fences? If you really are that sad about it, then apologize.

I know, it sucks. But sometimes, in order to keep peace, you need to swallow some pride. You need to do some soul searching to see which is more important: pride or sisterhood.

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT making any judgements on what you do. I am the first to tell someone that family sometimes have to go, but othertimes, you need to do what you have to so you can keep the peace.

It appears that the only way she will be your friend again is if you apologize so the next move is up to you. I did want to tell you that if this is a habit of you and your sister, you may very well be apologizing all the time. Again, not a judgement, but a statement.

Me? Well in my opinion I have friends who are closer and who I trust more than I would any family. But I have friends who think their family is all that. It just is a frame of mind.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store:
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:16pm
A very sensible reply. Like ejkdmom says - it depends on how you feel. If you feel that being close with family is important - than apologize - doesnt matter if you don't think you should - its what you have to do to make it up with your sister. It seems to me that you obviously must feel that this is important - so do it. Probably it will happen again and maybe you will be the one always apologizing - maybe its what is necessary.