Forgiveness, Anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Forgiveness, Anyone?
37
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 1:19pm

What are your thoughts?

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 3:19pm
Not really sure where you're going or what you're looking for...BUT...My take on forgiveness... is that it has to be earned.



I have an alcoholic dad...and he was an abusive SOB ... and we no longer speak. Do I forgive him for the years of drama, beatings & abuse? HECK NO!!!

But I've let go of him & any feelings I've had of 'wanting him to be my dad'. I have found my FIL & step dad as father figures in my life....I don't need him.

If he wanted back into my life, he'd have to earn that and the right to be 'forgiven'!!!



Now please, help me down off my soap box!!! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 3:41pm

You don't have to forgive in order to heal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2011
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 4:01pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 8:08pm
While you're busy hating someone, they're out dancing and could care less.


That statement assumes that I hate my father, even though I haven't forgiven him. And I don't hate him. Honestly, I don't care one way or the other what happens to him. But I also haven't forgiven him for what he's done to me.

To me forgiveness is like trust & respect... It has to be earned.

And to me inner peace comes from being satisfied with who I AM. Not with who others are in my life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 10:47pm
I agree with most everyone...

And for myself, I don't really agree with forgiveness. I don't see the point. It seems like a game your mind plays with itself.

And I know my family isn't going along happily, they are falling apart. And I feel no need to forgive them. They don't deserve it. Luckily, I've been able to come to a point where I feel practically nothing for them, or against them, anymore.

Tomorrow I want to address more specifics of the article. Everyone have a good evening.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2010
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 1:44am

I am a believer forgiveness has to be earned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 1:53am

DD's first husband was an abusive drug addict.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 9:57am

Sadie, your post is the closest thing I've ever, EVER read or heard, much less understood, to an explanation what it truly means to forgive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 10:26am
When the hurt has been fresh, if I began wishing harm would come to someone, I'd immediately brush it aside... cause I'm afraid of bad karma!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2011
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 12:24pm

I agree with what your DD did and what you wrote , Sadie. That's my take on forgiveness. It doesn't mean you forget. You don't! I just

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