"Former" (I think) bully in a tuff spot
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| Tue, 11-04-2003 - 8:23pm |
We lived down the street from the most popular girl in school. I'll call her "Debbie". She was so pretty that she should have been in magazines, but she knew it! She did not ever have any good friends because she stabbed them all in the back. She harassed me from Kindergarten through 12th grade! She just enjoyed picking on me and making my life hell. I just learned to avoid her at all cost. By the way, I am 31 now.
I was pregnant through my Junior year in high school. I was told by the principal that I had to quit school because I could not go to school when I was pregnant. I ignored him and continued through the school year fat and all. I had my son in July before my Senior year and I decided to keep my son. A few months into school I went to the computer lab to do a report and guess who came in and set behind me? Debbie and another boy. We were the only ones in there. Well her report was on teen age mothers. So I set in that class room listening to her bash teen mother's (me) in every vulgar, insulting way that you can imagine! Since I was in the process of changing everything I had been, to become a better mom and person, I kept my mouth shut and acted as if I did not hear her. Of course she knew I heard her because she was yelling everything. I left school bawling and feeling worthless that day!
I have ran into Debbie a few times since we graduated and she talked to me like I was her best friend! It made me sick! But I tried to be cordial. I was a late bloomer and once I grew out of the awkward teen stage, I really didn't look that bad (not that I am all that or anything) But she made it a point to tell me how great I looked.
Now to my point of all this! A few weeks ago I was at my pediatricians office and noticed a flyer about a really adorable 1 year old that has cancer. They were having a fund raiser to help pay his medical expenses. Well guess who's little boy it is? Debbie's! I could not help but to think about everything she had said about teen mother's (me). And even after that when she harassed me about being a slut because I had a little boy to take care of! I have to admit that I wondered if the old saying "what goes around comes around" had anything to do with her son having cancer. I know that is horrible for me to think that. I feel like crap just repeating the thought.
Anyway, I cannot stop thinking about this poor little boy and what him and his family must be going through. A week ago I even prepared a card with a nice letter of encouragement for them. I had also planned to send some home made "boo boo packs" that I make, for both of Debbie's children. Am I crazy? Why can't I stop thinking about what hell they must be going through? It is not like I have ever cared about Debbie. In the card I remind her of who I am and tell her I will help her in anyway and I include my phone numbers. But I have not brought myself to send it yet. Should I send it?
I know if I was in her position I would want any support I could get. What are your thoughts? Should I send her the card and boo boo packs? How would you take it if you were in her shoes?
Sorry for the book here, this is just really bothering me. I want to be the better person and care for anyone in need. But is this the right time to do that. Any input would be great. Thanks
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I have never been to this board, but I was just poking around and stumbled on your post. I just want to say that I hope you do follow your heart and send the boo-boo packs and card... It is "who you are" to care for your fellow human this way, and I don't think you should talk yourself out of being yourself. Be true to yourself.
I know how horrible it made you feel to even consider that a little boy would get cancer as some sort of cosmic punishment of his mother, even though there does seem to be some perverse justice. Perhaps, instead of thinking of it that way, in might make you feel less horrible to consider that "Debbie" is getting a really really hard lesson in compassion and dependence -- two things that she has been lacking throughout her life. She has the opportunity to grow and achieve a bit of grace through her experience -- or she could decide to allow it to embitter her and make her even more small and mean. There's also the possibity that she will simply take people's generosity as her due, never appreciate a damn thing anyone does for her, and come out the other side just as selfish and entitled as she ever was. But, of course, her son is innocent and deserves everyone's care and compassion. Perhaps the more outpouring of support "Debbie" receives, the stronger and more selfless she will be in her care of her son. This possibility alone makes it worth it.
There are a million good reasons for you to send the care package you prepared, and only one sort of petty reason not to.
You have a great heart. Send your package.
Much of what you endured growing up with Debbie made you who you are today. Going through the teasing, taunting, bullying, etc. has made you humble and caring for others. You know what it's like to be bullied - Debbie doesn't. You are a compassionate person, partly because of what Debbie put you through. Does that make sense?
So send the package and don't worry about whether Debbie deserves it or not because of how she treated you. You ARE the better person... and doing the right thing. Bless you!
Msfit
&nbs
Absolutely to that. And to continue blathering on about this, let me add:
Seeme, you can give yourself a lot of credit for taking that experience and forging yourself into a brilliant person, intstead of allowing it to turn you into a bitter, ugly-hearted wretch, which you could have done, and which many people decide to do.
Are we sharing a synapse, msfit?
-D
I know this is late, but I have to comment here. I too, was horribly abused by a bully in junior high and part of high school. "Annmarie" was always hateful towards me and I never knew why. I didn't realize at that young age that bullys are thae way they are because they are either neglected at home, abused or just the recipents of lousy genes/crappy upbringing.
Annmarie and her lemmings/followers/toadies would make my life hell EVERYDAY. It really came to a head in 9th grade where I was unfortunate enough to have her in my last period English class. One particularialy memorable incident involved me being so badly taunted that I got up and said "I quit" and walked out. Wel of course I didn't quit, I HAD to go back eventually