Friend makes Presumptious Statements about things - then waits to see if I refute or confirm them...

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Friend makes Presumptious Statements about things - then waits to see if I refute or confirm them...
35
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 11:48am

This is obviously dirty --- it is to get information.

Trying to get away from this person, but prob. gonna run into him on occasion.

WHAT do you call this?

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006

Yep, same guy who came in our house & repeatedly, even 3 mos later when the subject came up, point-blank said he had NEVER done that.

I still can not tell him it was my young daughter who reported him.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999

I remember this guy, and I'm sorry, but in your original post you referred to him as a "friend".

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
My sister also suggested a RO. Yeah, sounds ridiculous, but I often keep all the lights off in the house - even at nite. Or at least the minimum,. Don't want him to think I'm home = Always conscious he could be peeking in a window.

Indeed, can't even go out in our front yard --- Or at least have to be very wary & make it quick, if we do.

What's scary is we used to trust him. Gone on many vacations & left him to tend to our house/cats. Never found anything amiss - but I wonder now what he got into. We caught him this ONE time in our house w/o permission - but I WONDER how often he's been in here when we were off at work, or whatever.....

I wonder if he's staying WITH his folks BECAUSE he's unstable. Maybe he's been ordered to? Who knows?

OH! Also - talk about WEIRD conversational tactics, manipulation, etc. Some time back - when he was a friend & not sinister (or so we thought!)..... He once had a conversation that he was a "soft knocker". That with all his friends, he can only bring himself to knock on their doors softly. This is a guy who talks incessantly & works out, so he'd not a wimp.......

And I thought it so strange to talk about such. WHO & WHY would anyone classify themselves as a "soft door knocker"????!!!!! I thought it very bizarre -but said, well at our house he better knock LOUD. He said, no, it just feels right to knock softly on someone's door. I can't do it loudly.

Always remembered this & thought it bizarre. Once day since I was telling a friend about him & also about the soft-knocker conversation.

She said - well you know why he said THAT don't you? ----- That's for win you catch him lurking around your front door & peeking in your windows....

I thought she is RIGHT~~~~

It might ALSO be --- (back when he HAD a key to our house) ----- Might be for use, IF ever I caught him in our house when I was here.....He could say he knocked (softly) and no one answered. Maybe make up some garbage about he thought there was a burglar in our house & thought he should come in & investigate. He could say something like that IF ever I caught him in here w/me!?????

What do you think?

ARRGGGH. Thanks for listening. This is just another example of his sneaky convo techniques. I just hate it's been 3 years tilI I see what he's doing to me!!!!
At least I can be alert for the future......

I really think - given his clear lying all the time & no remorse - that he might be a sociopath? or maybe narcissitic. His mom is nice - but has a loony side to her too --- so i can believe it.
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

If you fear for your cats, then keep them indoors all the time. If there are windows that can be seen through, put window treatments for privacy. If you think that he is prowling outside your house at night or while you're at work, install motion sensor lighting and security cameras.

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Yeah - got the motion light detectors. Soon installing a system --- even considering that thing where you install cameras & can see them from your computer or your phone remotely! That'll be a ton o piece o mind!

I've actually had occasion to spend a lot of daytime around my house lately & with the shades open ---- and fortunately can say I've seen NOTHING amiss..... no persons, shadows, anything weird. For that part, I'm grateful.

Just keeping away!

But THANK YOU very much for your concern. I may post again at some point -- as surely there may be more to this story.....?
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Note, I haven't read any further than your reply so, I'm sorry for any redundancy.

When I was reading about the soft knocking, the same thought came into my head as your friend suggested...so, when you catch him peeking in a window, he could say: "Oh, I knocked..."

I think its so sad that you have to leave all of your lights off at night. What a shame to feel like a prisoner in your own home. I know hindsight is 20/20, but where I you, and he'd snuck in my house with my daughter at home, I would have called the police, pressed charges, and filed a RO. I would think that he would have been forced to move, but I'm not sure.

If you have the extra money, I'd install some kind of surveillance. Get him on camera snooping...I'm sure from what you've told me, he does it. Once you have proof, maybe you could then move forward with a RO and get him out of your neighborhood, once and for all.
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006

If you want to know the full story - it's a bit hair-raising about the day he came in w/my daughter there ---- This would make good horror reading for this weekend --- if you want -----here it is:

As I said he USED to have a key to our house -when we trusted our neighbors.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
I don't know what that behavior is called technically, but I wanted you to know you're not alone. My step-mother does something similar - but instead of making presumptuous statements, she'll ask seemingly innocent questions. Sometimes rapid-fire. Those questions are phrased in such a way that yes/no answers are nearly impossible to avoid, but when the interrogation is done, I realize I've just given her all the clues to build her own big jigsaw puzzle of exactly the information she was looking for. And I want to kick myself in the butt for being duped into it.

Best approach I've found - only approach, really: Distance. I've had to cut off communication with her to avoid falling into the trap.

                  &nbs

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thank you.... I've never been an expert communicator - so it really bugs me when someone can do this & do it so well that we don't realize it! ugh!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
These sorts of people should be lawyers, or intelligence agents. They'd be perfect.

                  &nbs