Friend moving away & has no time for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Friend moving away & has no time for me
22
Wed, 10-26-2011 - 4:35am

Hi,

My neighbor and I have been friends for 8 years. My 12 yr old daughter has been friends with her daughters, too. (Her daughters are a few years younger than my DD and they never hung out a lot, but they are friends and do sometimes see each other.) In the beginning of September,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010

Okay, so she did do a few things for you but not nearly as much as you did for her.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 12:13pm
Could it be that your husband was right, and she didn't hold this friendship in the same regard as yourself? I know it's a difficult thing to ponder, but it really does happen to the best of us. Sometimes people have other, closer friends, and just don't feel that they need another one. Sometimes people are extremely busy and make time for nobody. Some people are content with only having their spouse around for support. Some are extremely private and like to keep to themselves. The list could go on, but I've had friendships fall by the wayside, not really ever knowing why they didn't feel the connection I did, and I must admit, I've been guilty myself, of not nurturing certain friendships in the past. I would try not to take it personally, and be happy that you were able to be a good friend to her, whether she reciprocated or not...it was very kind and thoughtful of you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 1:53pm

Having moved as many times as I did during my husband's Army career, I understand your friend's position.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 9:21pm
JoJo, hugs to you as you sound so sad & disappointed. However, I think you have to accept that you were neighbours not close friends & there is a difference.

I thought that my neighbour & I were close friends, our sons were best friends at 6 and had been since my son was born. Her son was a year older. Both couples & one other couple had monthly card parties, went to the same church, same doctor, kids in the same activities & spent almost as much time together as we did with our families. My friend & her family moved about 30 mins from us & we never saw or heard from them again. They never said goodbye as they were leaving for one last time. The other Mom ran into our old neighbour at the dr's office about 2 yrs after they moved & were told they loved their new neighbourhood. These people left saying they would call with their number once they had a spare min. I realized that we were just neighbours not really close friends and so we were replaced by someone new.

My advice is to let it go, remember the good times & if she gets in touch then enjoy the friendship you have.

Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004

Hi Azure,

My friend and I were closer friends until two years ago when

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 2:35am
Hi clk,

I just replied to Azure about how my friend became friends with someone else a few years ago. At this time, she really started hanging out with this other friiend and had little time for me. This other friend had kids the same age as her kids, so you could see that they would maybe have more in common. Before that we were pretty close.( There are details in my reply to Azure about this.)

Thanks for your reply-

JoJo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 2:51am
Hi Sillysadie-

I am sure moving involves a ton of details, and I am sure you would be a bit overwhelmed. But, again, my friend literally lived 80 feet from me, all she had to do was let me stop by to get a photo of the kids and say bye. It would have only taken 10 minutes, And, my friend was moving on Wed, but her and all her kids went to a goodbye dinner some friends on Tue night from 5:00 till 8:30 pm. So, she had time to leave her house w/ all her kids to actually go somewhere to say bye to some friends, but not 10 minutes for me to walk 80 feet to her house. (I did not have this in my original post as I thought she went to dinner as her kitchen was shut down due to the move, BUT when I listened to the message she left again, she said she was going to a goodbye dinner with friends.) So, even though she was busy moving, she had time to say goodbye to others, but no time for me.

As for being too sad to say bye, this could be the case. BUT, since my friend had gone out the night before her move to say bye to other friends, I doubt this is the case.

I think this "friend" was not the friend I thought she was. As mad as I am (and I am mad that my poor DD did not get ot say goodbye to my friends kids, whom DD knew for 7 yrs), I don't want to write her off completely as we did have some good times togther. If she keeps in touch with me, that will be great, if not I am not going to do much other than send a x-mas card to her every year.

Thanks for your reply-

JoJo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 3:02am
Deenow,

You know, almost the same thing happened to me with another neighbor!! They lived here for 7 years, and our DD's were the same age & went to school together and were friends. I was never super close to this neighbor, and her DD and mine were not best friends.This neighbor (and the one that just moved this week) were in a BBQ group I had organized. For 4 years, 5 families on my block (which included this neighbor and the one who just moved) got together every few weeks over the summer to have a BBQ. We took turns going to each others homes, and while the kids played outside, the adults hung out together, too.

After this other neighbor moved several years ago, she disappeared. She said she would stay in touch, and I did call her a few times but after that she never kept in touch with me ot the other neighbors, she never invited me to her house, etc. Apparently when she moved, she moved on, as she totally blew us all off!!! (Really, in this age of facebook, cellphones, and texting, it's not hard at all to keep in touch if you want to.)

Thanks for the reply-

JoJo
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010

Jojo,

First I want to compliment you on your style of posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004

Hi Azure,