Friend moving away & has no time for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Friend moving away & has no time for me
22
Wed, 10-26-2011 - 4:35am

Hi,

My neighbor and I have been friends for 8 years. My 12 yr old daughter has been friends with her daughters, too. (Her daughters are a few years younger than my DD and they never hung out a lot, but they are friends and do sometimes see each other.) In the beginning of September,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 11-03-2011 - 3:27am

Hi Kaitilouwho,

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate your input on this. The photo was to be an opportunity for us to get together for a few minutes to say goodbye and for our kids to say goodbye, too. As it stands, my daughter never got to say goodbye to her friends and this made my DD feel hurt. As bad as I felt that I got blown off, I felt bad that my DD had her feelings hurt, too. (The day after they moved and were gone, my DD stood on the sidewalk and looked at their house with a sort of disbeliving look on her face. She was kind of stunned that her friends never said goodbye to her. It made me feel bad to see this.)

A very important point (and this was not in my 1st post)-my friend went out THE NIGHT BEFORE SHE MOVED with her kids and hubby to go out to dinner with some other friends to say bye to them. So, she had time to do this the very night before she moved, but could not find a few minutes for us.

As for moving on and getting over this, my

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2011
Thu, 11-03-2011 - 1:54am

Hey JoJo,

I understand your frustration with plans that aren't followed through with. I am someone who loves to make plans, and when other people don't take them seriously, I get very upset. However, I am also someone who moved A LOT as a child. A lot = 12 different houses by the time I was 17. It's an extremely stressful thing to go through. I would imagine even more stressful if you are uprooting your family from a long-term home. So, this brings me to a few points.

1. 8 years is a long time to know someone. I'm sure that she appreciates you and will miss you terribly. I would like to predict tha you will soon get an update on their new life as soon as they are settled in. Your friend is probably counting on those 8 years of friendship lasting through the stress and hurt feelings of a big move.

2. This is a period of change for both of you. While I'm sure you will always have fond memories of your neighbor, it is definitely time to move on. Take your negative energy and put it into a welcome pie for the new neighbors, or a group activity with new friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004

Hi Azure,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010

Jojo,

First I want to compliment you on your style of posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 3:02am
Deenow,

You know, almost the same thing happened to me with another neighbor!! They lived here for 7 years, and our DD's were the same age & went to school together and were friends. I was never super close to this neighbor, and her DD and mine were not best friends.This neighbor (and the one that just moved this week) were in a BBQ group I had organized. For 4 years, 5 families on my block (which included this neighbor and the one who just moved) got together every few weeks over the summer to have a BBQ. We took turns going to each others homes, and while the kids played outside, the adults hung out together, too.

After this other neighbor moved several years ago, she disappeared. She said she would stay in touch, and I did call her a few times but after that she never kept in touch with me ot the other neighbors, she never invited me to her house, etc. Apparently when she moved, she moved on, as she totally blew us all off!!! (Really, in this age of facebook, cellphones, and texting, it's not hard at all to keep in touch if you want to.)

Thanks for the reply-

JoJo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 2:51am
Hi Sillysadie-

I am sure moving involves a ton of details, and I am sure you would be a bit overwhelmed. But, again, my friend literally lived 80 feet from me, all she had to do was let me stop by to get a photo of the kids and say bye. It would have only taken 10 minutes, And, my friend was moving on Wed, but her and all her kids went to a goodbye dinner some friends on Tue night from 5:00 till 8:30 pm. So, she had time to leave her house w/ all her kids to actually go somewhere to say bye to some friends, but not 10 minutes for me to walk 80 feet to her house. (I did not have this in my original post as I thought she went to dinner as her kitchen was shut down due to the move, BUT when I listened to the message she left again, she said she was going to a goodbye dinner with friends.) So, even though she was busy moving, she had time to say goodbye to others, but no time for me.

As for being too sad to say bye, this could be the case. BUT, since my friend had gone out the night before her move to say bye to other friends, I doubt this is the case.

I think this "friend" was not the friend I thought she was. As mad as I am (and I am mad that my poor DD did not get ot say goodbye to my friends kids, whom DD knew for 7 yrs), I don't want to write her off completely as we did have some good times togther. If she keeps in touch with me, that will be great, if not I am not going to do much other than send a x-mas card to her every year.

Thanks for your reply-

JoJo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 2:35am
Hi clk,

I just replied to Azure about how my friend became friends with someone else a few years ago. At this time, she really started hanging out with this other friiend and had little time for me. This other friend had kids the same age as her kids, so you could see that they would maybe have more in common. Before that we were pretty close.( There are details in my reply to Azure about this.)

Thanks for your reply-

JoJo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004

Hi Azure,

My friend and I were closer friends until two years ago when

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 9:21pm
JoJo, hugs to you as you sound so sad & disappointed. However, I think you have to accept that you were neighbours not close friends & there is a difference.

I thought that my neighbour & I were close friends, our sons were best friends at 6 and had been since my son was born. Her son was a year older. Both couples & one other couple had monthly card parties, went to the same church, same doctor, kids in the same activities & spent almost as much time together as we did with our families. My friend & her family moved about 30 mins from us & we never saw or heard from them again. They never said goodbye as they were leaving for one last time. The other Mom ran into our old neighbour at the dr's office about 2 yrs after they moved & were told they loved their new neighbourhood. These people left saying they would call with their number once they had a spare min. I realized that we were just neighbours not really close friends and so we were replaced by someone new.

My advice is to let it go, remember the good times & if she gets in touch then enjoy the friendship you have.

Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 1:53pm

Having moved as many times as I did during my husband's Army career, I understand your friend's position.

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