Is friend not interested in our friendship???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Is friend not interested in our friendship???
19
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 12:15am

Hi,

I need some perspective on a situation I am going through with a good friend. To give you some background, we have been good friends for about 1 1/2 years. Up until April, we got together at least

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 10:08pm

I read through the whole thread and came to a conclusion.

First of all, as someone mentioned earlier, when a person is depressed they become very indecisive and flaky. Sounds like to me she is depressed and possibly embarrassed about her situation. Maybe she feels like you are dealing with things better than her considering you are both in a pretty similar situation so she doesn't want to seem weak.

On the other hand, because she is paying for other social types of things, she probablly feels pressured to participate in them. It's a larger group so she has to save face in that scenario.

Women's groups [which that's what these social groups sound like] can be pretty chatty and catty. And considering she took such a hard blow when her husband lost his job; she probably feels as though she has to put up a front to a group of people but not to you b/c you are a closer friend. My dad went through this phase also as he lost his job of 20 years after 9/11 b/c he worked in the airline business. He would pretend to other people that he was fine financially but to closer people he wouldn't make the effort. He still does have this behavior a bit as he hasn't completely recovered financially since then [though most haven't].

I would say like others have said that you need to talk to her about it. Assumptions can cause "mala sangre" [bad blood] and you'll be left thinking all these thoughts that can quite possibly not be true. Just go about approaching the subject in a calm tone and don't let yourself get heated during the conversation. That never works out well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 11:42pm

Hi CFK-

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 11:46pm

Hi imotherothers,

Your idea is exactly waht I am going to do. I will not see her, though, at our social group as I am not planning on re-joining this. I do find it odd that my friend (who keeps telling me she is not up for doing much) is planning on re-joining this social group. This group has a lot of get togethers and outings, so I am not sure why my frind wants to still be part of this when she keeps telling me she does not usually feel like going anywhere or doing much. (?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 12:00am

i elc11,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 12:18am

Hi Hefinca85-

Yes, it's possible that my friend is depressed. But, what's really hard to figure out, is why she is too depressed to sometimes see me, but not too depressed to see other people and do other things.(And, some of the things she does are in our social group, but some are not.) But, again,for all I know, when she gets together with others, maybe she has been making and changing plans with them the way she does with me. (She went out to lunch with a mutual friend of ours. However, who knows how long this mutual friend may have been trying to set this up, or who knows if they had previous plans that were cancelled by my friend.)

And, yes, she may be re-joining our social group to keep us appearances, so to speak. Although my friend is very down to earth, we live in an extremely well to do town. (No, I am not "extremely well to do", but was lucky enough to buy a house here a long time ago when things were more affordable. And, where a lot of others live in huge homes, I have

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 3:29pm

Hi,

First of all I’m sure her dh’s job loss is really stressful and worrisome.

FWIW, I feel that if someone really wants to spend time with a person (friend, relative, someone they’re dating, etc.) they will MAKE the time to do it and not give a lot of excuses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2011
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 5:05pm

Hi Jojo,

I hope you don't take this the wrong way but, is it possible that your friend doesn't want to hang out with you when your daughter is around? I'm saying this because I have an

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2011
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 8:29am

Whilst I can understand your frustrations, my advice would be to tread carefully if you choose to air those frustrations with your friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 3:29pm

Hi Applepie-Thanks for the reply. I am glad

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