friend or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2007
friend or not?
2
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 12:08pm
Okay, so I have been dating my fiance for almost 4 years. When we first started dating, I had gotten very close to his best friends girlfriend. They have been dating for about 5 1/2 years. We would hang out without the guys and developed our own friendship. When I got engaged, I asked her to be a bridesmaid. New years eve, we all went out together with a bunch of other couples, later in the night my fiance tells me that this girl, lets call her Mary, came up to him and said something along the lines of "you want me". He said she was very drunk and probably thought it was her boyfriend. I didn't buy it and we of course got into an argument about it. I never brought it up to Mary because I thought maybe I was over reacting. Ever since then, I get extremely uncomfortable when my fiance and her are around each other. There have been several times since then where she flirts with him and says things that I don't think are appropriate but in a joking matter but of course I am going to think that secretly she has something for him. And I think what is most frustrating to me is that she is a lot different from me. She is older but acts younger, she hooks up with girls when she is out, she does things for attention and I am not judging at all, it's just not me and something I would do. I don't know what to do. My wedding isn't for another 1 1/2 so as far as her being a bridesmaid, there is nothing I can do but let itself play out. Should I confront her and let her know how I feel just to put my mind at ease or am I overreacting? And it bothers me that my fiance acts like it is so great that she does and says things to him. Like I get hat he's a guy and still needs to know that he still has it, but I don't think that should be accomplished by a close friend. I don't want to overreact but it is seriously eating at me and I can't take it. We either need to not drink often with these friends, and even cut down the time we spend with them because thats when all of this happens or say something? HELP! Thanks ahead of time!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
In reply to: starcolli
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 12:42pm

She may be different than you, but you sound a lot more settled and stable than she is. Not that there's anything wrong with acting younger, but how young does she act? Doing things for attention and flirting with a soon to be married man are not qualities a guy would like in a spouse. I don't think I would say anything to her just yet. If she does something really off the wall or clings on him all night, while you all are out, then it will be time for a chat with her.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
In reply to: starcolli
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 6:49am

Your post made me remember something that happened to me. When I was going to get married, my best friend went to visit my fiance and asked him if he was completely sure to marry me. Probably she was trying to make him ""see"" her. I was too young and didn´t pay attention to it.


But in your case, I think your "friend" is jealous. Probably because you´re planning to get married. Was she your fiance´s girlfriend before? Not sure about this....


In a way you can trust your fiance, because he came and told you about what this girl told him, but he also seems to feel flattered with her "joking"remarks.


About her, I wouldn´t confront her, but would be very cautious and pay much attention to any red light. Gather more information and you´ll know what to do about her.