Friend troubles

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Friend troubles
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 9:26am

I have this friend that I've known my whole life.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 9:59am
You can't make yourself or anything else matter to her. I'm not sure why you'd want to remain friends with someone that you don't trust to do what she says she'll do and who doesn't acknowledge important events in your life. I probably wouldn't confront her and tell her how disappointed I am in her if I were you, but whether you do that or not, I think you're going to have to get used to not relying on her for emotional support or really anything else. Who in your life lives up to your expectations? Instead of focusing on what you're not getting from your so called friend, it would probably be better for you to focus on nurturing your relationships with the people who already meet your expectations.


Clinical Research Associate


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 10:03am

First of all, you can’t “make words matter to her”.

As far as her smoking and eating healthy, that’s up to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 11:55am

She said she was coming to the funeral but she never showed up never called to say anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 12:45pm

thank you for your replies. i appreciate it.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 12:44pm
Friends aren't supposed to hurt you over and over again. I think once a pattern like this begins, it's time to remove yourself from the situation and focus your attention elsewhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 8:17pm

You don't need that crap. Find another friend, like me ;)

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 7:18am

Well, I wouldn't let her smoking/eating habits bother you - it's a little annoying when people say one thing and do another but oh well, it's not your life, don't let it get to you.

The other issues, however, definitely suggest that she is not a very good friend. She's inconsiderate, thoughtless, and not there for you when you need her. She doesn't seem to care much for your feelings. But everyone else has said, you can't change her or force something to matter to her.

I would just stop making an effort to be friends with her. Stop initiating any contact with her and if she contacts you, don't feel like you have to make a big effort to converse or get together. You don't have to cut ties with her completely or be rude to her - there doesn't have to be another falling out. But just allow yourselves to drift apart over time - I have a feeling she's not the type of person to make a strong effort to remain close with people anyway so I think if you let go a little bit, you'll naturally drift apart.