friend,enabler or complainer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2010
friend,enabler or complainer?
13
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 1:34am

hello everyone! im new to ivillage so bare wit me.....i always make new friends but over time they(most) become dependent on me. i have no problem with listening to their problems or their life adventures. i try to give good advice when asked. i dont tell them wut they want to hear but wut i feel is correct and they have the choice to take the advice or throw out the window. if they have anything to talk about and i cant get to the phone they will call me several times a day(like 10x) to the point i think its an emergency and its usually NOT. i just want to know if im being a friend or a enabler.... or just stop complain ........if you need more description, let me know and i will elaborate more.....thanx

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 2:33am

From your post, my guess is you either attract needy people for some reason or else

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 10:21am

Your post reminds me of what my post is somewhat about.... too funny!

I have come to the realization that alot of people want to hear what they want to hear (not what the truth really is!!) I am not that type of person that will tell a person what they want to hear and I give it straight from the heart... if you do not like what Im saying then dont ask.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 1:11pm

I agree that for some reason, you're attracting needy people. When you make a new friend, from day one, you should not encourage the other person to lean on you so much. Once a needy person feels it's okay to call you ten times a day, they will. Needy people seem to have a difficult time distinguishing normal boundaries. When you try to pull back a little, they seem to grab hold of you even tighter and it becomes very difficult to pull away.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 3:35pm

Hi,

Sounds like you have a good attitude toward the advice you give, i.e. take it or leave it. Sometimes I think the person who calls just wants someone to whine to -they really don't want to solve the problem they whine about. So here's my two cents:

Resign as

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 3:39pm

I just wanted to welcome you to the board!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2010
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 7:07pm
thanx tasha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2010
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 10:04pm
when i meet them they are living respectable lives but some where down the line they turn needy and i dont know why. i dont know if i have a nurture sign written on my back or wut! lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2010
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 10:08pm
thank you for the response and advice.....WOW! i got to get advice from someone else for a change!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 12:36pm
cbnikki wrote:
thank you for the response and advice.....WOW! i got to get advice from someone else for a change!

That's what we're here for! :smileyhappy:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Sun, 11-21-2010 - 9:02pm

I read your post and I agree with all posters. In fact, I think they´re very good.

I used to be a complainer and a rescuer as well. Once a friend told me I was a complainer. I stopped complaining and also rescuing.

That´s it!

Pages