Friendship in a downward spiral

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2011
Friendship in a downward spiral
5
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 12:49pm

I am in need of unbiased counsel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 10:13pm

She and her boyfriend put on a show at your wedding and no apology? She has a way of turning it all back on you. She knows she screwed up - not telling you she's engaged. I'm young and I even I don't think changing your status on Facebook is a good way to announce your engagement. I hate to say it, but I don't even read people's status or profile. If they write something on their wall, I might see it. But it's still no way to tell people any news.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 9:58pm

I don't think anything you've done in this "friendship" has been selfish or required YOU apologizing to HER.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 6:53pm
I had a friend like this, we'd known each other for about 3 or 4 years but were very close. I finally stopped initiating get-togethers and our friendship eventually dissolved. I get curious about her from time to time, but I do not miss her drama nor her flakiness.

You have two choices. You can fake your way through the wedding and see how things progress or you can address her behavior. I can say, I once had a friend sit me down and give me a lecture about my tardiness and to this day, I am never late meeting her(or anyone for that matter). Why? Because I cherish her friendship. That's just how it works when you really love someone.

Good luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2011
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 1:37pm

Liz - thanks for your response.

Avatar for lizmvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 1:20pm
While you value your friendship with her, what you've written shows that she doesn't much value your friendship. While I do agree that your rule to be a bridesmaid was a bit ridiculous and unneccessary, I don't understand why you'd want to be a bridesmaid for her anyway.

I will say that it was your choice to rush to her side during your wedding reception to discuss her breakup, and you could have easily addressed the change in topic at your weekend getaway before the wedding.

However, you two don't really seem to talk that much, and it doesn't seem like the non talking is super new phenomenon. Whatever the reason for the lack of communication, she obviously seems to have other higher priorities than you, and you seem upset by it.

Why not just let her go? It doesn't sound like you'd be losing that much, and you wouldn't have to buy a bridesmaid's dress :)

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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