Is this friendship worth keeping or not??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2013
Is this friendship worth keeping or not??
12
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 1:16am
iVillage Member
Posts: 1
Registered: 6 hours ago
Drop friendships or not?
2
6 hours ago

I am a 55 year old woman, single , with no children. I live alone and value my friendships. I have a friend my exact same age. I just don't know if the friendship is worth keeping or not. Several months ago, she asked me to eat out with her on a certain night. I scheduled my entire day around that, and didn't hear from hear at all. So I finally texted her and asked what was up. She said she forgot and was at her mother's eating. I told her that I had waited all day. She said that I should not have gotten upset, that she just forgot. I would have never done that to her, and if I had, I would have been more apologetic about it. Then I almost cancelled a trip with her in July, when she told me what I could pack and bring on the trip and also told me that she wouldn't be using the air conditioner on the trip?! Well i went anyway and a friend of hers went with us. She did not tell me until time to go home that we would be making a 4 hour detour to take him home. I assumed that he had driven to her house. So what should have been an hour trip without a/c became a 5 hour trip without a/c, and I became so hot and sick that I could not eat. I have diabetes and am supposed to eat every 4 hours at least. I would think it would be a money thing not to turn a/'c on, but I paid for the gas for the entire trip. She finally turned it on when we were almost home but it was almost too late then. She said that just she and I would go back to the mountains in October. In the meantime she started seeing a new guy, and all of a sudden she has no time for me anymore, and I did not hear from hear for weeks, except on Facebook, when she would "like" a post. Then she sent me a text asking for the name of a cabin in the mountains and I thought she was making reservations for the two of us. Friday night, I was in a bad automobile accident and sent her a text asking if she could pick me up from the hospital if it wasn't too late. I did not hear from her for hours, then when she did text she said that she was with her new boyfriend, sorry. I called a cab home in the meantime. She did pick me up from the library, about 1/2 mile from her house, and took me home, 1 mile away the next day. this morning she asked if I needed anything, and I asked her to give me a ride to the library again. My car was totalled and I do not have a rental car yet. She showed up to pick me up talking on the phone and I heard her tell someone that she would be out of town from the next day till next week. I asked her after she hung up where she was going. She said she was going to the mountains. I asked her if she was going with the new boyfriend, and she confirmed that. I asked her if that meant that she and I were not longer going, and she said yes, sorry. I do not feel that she was obligated to go with me, but that she was obligated to let me know right away that she and I were not going. I also said that i never thought that she was the kind of woman that made her friends 2nd class citizens when she had a new boyfriend. I told her that and she said that she did not mean to hurt my feelings. and said with the wreck made my schedule unpredictable. the wreck just happened a few days ago and I was not badly hurt. I asked her via text when she planned to tell me that we were not going together and she never answered. I am happy that she has a new boyfriend, but I feel that I am being treat badly. I have a boyfriend, too, but I make time for friends. What should I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Sun, 10-27-2013 - 10:40pm

Hi, I undestand your point of view, because I used to be like you. "A very loyal friend", but I have learned the hard way that not all people are the same, There are many types of friends and all of them are different. How long have you known this woman? What you have  learned from her is that she forgets appointments, that she changes plans without saying anything to you, that she is kind of controlling (what you should pack for a trip), That she doesn´t metion you in advance that you have to drop a friend of hers. So what can you do about that? She is not going to change, it is just the way she is, Taking this into consideration, you can be more cautious with her. If she invites you to a dinner ask her to confirm you 24 hours in advance if the plan continues, Ask more questions about your plans, Is someone else going with us? Why are you not willing to use the air condition? Not sure if you took your car when you made that trip with her but you coud have said "ok you can go and dro your friend because I need to go home, not usisng the a/c has been unconfortable for me.

I don´tt think she is mean,she is just what she is. Be loyal with loyal friends but don´t expect all people to be the same.

You can behave differently with different people depending on who they are and hoy they behave.

I heard this quote which I think is wonderful, " It is silly to try to find in others qualities that they do not possess"

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2013
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 6:38am
Be loyal with loyal friends but don´t expect all people to be the same. You can behave differently with different people depending on who they are and how they behave I heard this quote which I think is wonderful, " It is silly to try to find in others qualities that they do not possess" Couldn't have said it better. Completely true.

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