Frustrated with whole family!
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|Thu, 04-17-2003 - 11:03pm|
My Mother was divorced with two young son's when she met my Father. My Father was elated by my birth and I think for some reason my Mother resent's me for ever being born. My Father took great care of her and the two boys. But throughout my childhood there was always this invisible division between me and my brothers (I didn't even understand that they we're only my half brothers until around 12 yo)My brothers and I we're very close but when an argument ensued between us my Mother would verbally attack me and they would go unpunished. I remember several time's she brought them home treats or small gifts and didn't "have enough money" for anything for me. Once she slapped me so hard I got a bloody nose after I told on one of my brothers who had knocked my school books off of the table. His form of a joke to pick on his little sister. I don't mean to insinuate that she was physically abusive because she was not. She chose to not talk to me, or insult me in front of guests, family. She rarely said things insulting to my face.
I wasn't a rotten kid either. I got good grades, I was popular, I was talented at playing the piano and won several awards.
Eventually, after my brothers went off to college, she became more angry at me. I was still in junior high and by the end of my freshman year, my Dad and Mom divorced. She thought my Dad was "boring".
What hurts so much, is that for all those years, I was completely clueless as to why she was so mean to me. I loved her, why didn't she love me? Another saying of hers "I have to love you because your my daughter, but it doesn't mean I have to like you." After college, our relationship got better. Now I am 30 years old, married with a son. She absolutely adore's my son. She gives him everything and anything he wants. She moved closer to my home so that she could spend more time with him. My son adore's her too and I love that. Ironically, she doesn't lavish my brother's children even minutely as much as she does my son. Another reason, I am so completely confused by her.
Is this a way to dig the knife deeper in my back? Why does she have a personal vendetta against me?
Well...presently, she's ticked off at me again. She recently hurt her back gardening. She told the whole family that it was my fault because I hurt her back when I was born. (note: she doesn't say it directly to me as usual.) Instead, she calls me to spend the weekend with her and take care of her. I did. The Doctor told her that she would have to have surgery. She did. I took off of work to prepare meals ahead of time, clean her house, move obstacles out of the way. Plus go down to the hospital at least twice a day.
She called my brothers to come and provide emotional support as well as help me organize her house. My oldest brother and his wife thought this granted them the priveledge of spouting out orders to everyone and questioning the doctors whether she was fit to go home. My middle brother had enough of it and doesn't want to help anymore. They also felt she should go to a nursing home for awhile. When the rest of the family disagreed with that idea. His wife became so mad she refused to get out of the car and help us reorganize her house. My Mother is only 58 years old by the way, she's far from being an invalid. And her husband takes very good care of her. My oldest brother and I ended up having a bad argument. His wife wanted to leave and I felt they should stay and help her. After all they had been planning to stay another week and she just got out of the hospital only a couple of hours ago and this is when she will need the most help, but his wife's feeling we're hurt and she wanted to go now. So they left back to Nevada (three states away) and I stayed for another 7 hours finishing up and preparing more meals. My stepdad asked me to come back at 8 pm to tend to her. I just called and asked how she was doing. He said she was mad at me. I asked why and he said that she is saying that it's my fault my oldest brother left. I asked if I should still come over. He asked her and she said "no". I told my stepdad I didn't understand why she was mad at me. The reason for the argument was BECAUSE they wanted to leave and I thought they should stay. He also said she thinks I started the argument because I am "Jealous of my brother and his wife" This again is one of her wacky statements. I have never been jealous of either brother or their wives. In fact I am always so proud of them and their accomplishments,
As they are mine. We joke about alot of thing's. Like my brothers BMW. But he jokes about how much money I make and how easy my job is compared to his. (I'm an Interior Designer of Aircraft and he's an Department of Energy Engineer for the state.) My middle brother is an unemployed, plumber going thru a bitter seperation and who is currently living with me again.
Please help me make light of my Mother and any advice on how to deal with her. I am at the point of walking away from her.