Get me out of this wedding!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Get me out of this wedding!!
4
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 9:04am
I am caught in a bind. I have a half sister, from my father side of the family. He had another baby, outside of our family w/ another woman. Growing up I watched, my mother suffer and get harassed by this other women, who wanted, to steal my father away from my mother-(my parents are married). I have never been close to this sister. She lives, in another State far away, and throughout our lifetime, I have only gone out with her 1 time. We do not know each other.

However, she is getting married, in less then 2 months, and she asked, me to participate in her wedding. I have yet to receive an informative e-mail with where to purchase my dress and a formal invitation in the mail. My problem is that I am really not comfortable being a participant in her wedding, but would love to attend and just show my respect. I do believe my father is forcing her to make me be apart of her wedding. I feel, it is not her making that decision. How do I tell her no, I do not want to be in it, but would love to attend as a guess.

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 1:43pm
I'd just tell her. Say that due to the geographical distance, you don't think you will be able to be a proper bridesmaid - helping throw showers and attending events - but that you would still love to come to the wedding as a guest. She will probably be relieved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 1:54pm
I don't think you should just back out. It will insult her even if it was your fathers doing and cause a rift that will most likely make you enemies. Unless you have a really good excuse for not going at all, there is no excuse that will be good enough. Actually, the only exception would be the money issue. You could maybe say you can't afford to be in the wedding and attend.

I don't know if you have considered sucking it up and just doing it because she asked. If you have, perhaps you should speak with her about it.

Tell her you are honored that she asked but that you are a little confused because you have never been very close. Let her know that if she indeed wants you to be in the wedding that you will be there for her but that you have a feeling this was your fathers doing and you just want to make sure that this is what she wants

If she tells you that she really wants you to be part of the wedding then maybe you should look at this as an olive branch. Maybe she does want to be closer to you and this was her way of doing that. You shouldn't let what her parents and your parents have done come in between what could be a good sibling relationship.

If she says that your Dad did pressure her then you will both be off the hook and you can tell your Dad that the both of you decided you would just attend the wedding. No hard feelings but this is how you both would feel comfortable. Even this experience I think would make you closer.

It sounds though like you don't want to be close to her. I am not sure why that would be from what you said the agitator was her mom not her. Why would you lump them together? What her mom did is what her mom did. You might want to think about what it was like for her growing up knowing she shouldn't have happened. She grew up knowing that her daddy already had a family and was not going to leave them for her. That must have been really difficult for her as well.

Neither of you are at fault for the not so perfect circumstances you both grew up with. You two might have more in common than you think. Just a thought :)

Hope this helps a little.

Denise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 11:32pm
What I would do is just call her or write her a letter than explains this. Let her know that you feel this way, like your dad may be the one pressuring her. That way if it's true she will know that you understand, and if it's not true then she can tell you that too. I just think it will take a weight off both of you if you go ahead and tell her the way you feel, same as you posted it here. I think it's great that you 2 have managed to have some sort of friendship/kinship even tho the circumstances may not be so perfect! Good luck with this! RHiannon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 12:20am
O my GOD, ladies, I honeslty really never looked, at the situation on the other side of the road. Thank you guys so much for the advice. I have made my mind up and I think, I will participate. I want to make the bride happy! If that is what she wants. Shutz, I am even thinking about even putting her in my wedding in the future. I just hope it is what she really wants. Either way, I will travel the distance to attend and support her.

Thanks a million ladies!!!