give friend money
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| Thu, 10-18-2012 - 4:11am |
I have a good friend who lost her business and home and now rents a tiny.place and lives on SS. and food stamps. She is looking for work and wants to take a trip to a 10 year anniversary memorial for her daughter but said she doesn't have money for it or anything else. When she had money she had always been generous to others.
I, too live on SS rent a tiny place and struggle to make ends meet. Nothing for extras and not even dental care. Nonetheless I decided to tightened up so I could help her out with a liitle. I had a card and some $ ready to go in the mail when during a phone conversation she mentioned to me that she has been doing some online dating and signed up for a couple of those sites that have membership fees. She said, its my fun. After that I had 2nd thoughts about sending her money becsuse to me that is not a neccessity. I'd even like to do that but can't afford it. I'd have make a sacrifice to send her some $
Seems if she can pony up an extra $60 or so every month for those fees she can pony up money for that trip..
What do you think, should I send her $ or not.
K
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Don´t lend her money. Lending money to friends or relatives is always a bad thing, you lose your money and also the relationship.It´s good to be nice, but you have to be nice to yourself first. If lending money means a sacrifice, don´t do it.
You can only lend the money that you don´t need, and you don´t expect to receive back.
Good luck!
You should not give her the money ,as you said you will have tighten up and sacrifice to help her . If she really wanted to go to this ,she would be the one making sacrifices to make sure she was able to go. You sound like a wonderful friend ,don't allow yourself to be in an ever tighter spot than you already live in to help someone else. If you can go without and save money ,she should be able to for her own child.Treat yourself to something nice that you have wanted for a long time but wouldn't splurge on,some people never learn to do things for themselves if others will stand up and handle things for them.I wish you the best of luck and I hope you do something wonderful for yourself,it sounds to me like you deserve it.
You are right to have second thoughts about sending your friend money. If she can spend that type of money for a dating site, you can see where her priorties lie. Don't waste your money.
OP, I think we all understand that your concern was whether or not you are being too judgmental, and I do not think you are. However, you say you have medical bills and you have been putting off dental care because of the expense - therefore, you should not be giving money to ANYONE.
Karen, in the end it's completely up to you. If you don't feel good about giving her the money now that you've learned that she has spent money on membership fees for dating sites, that is entirely your perogative. She isn't aware that you were going to give her money, so there won't be an issue if you've decided against the gift. The gift giving is a self-directed act based entirely on the desire to give the gift. It's the same reason why people donate to some charities and not others. It's completely up to them and their reasons are entirely their own that don't require justification. If you don't feel the same now, then that is reason enough. Personally, I'd likely feel similarly. I don't find your reasoning illogical.
I just stuck some cash in the card, there would have been no stipulation what she should use it for., it was a gift for her to do with what she needed most. I was under the impression it was going to the memorial and that she may not because of lack of funds. That she was struggling to pay her rent, etc. It just took me back after hearing for a long time now how bad things were for her, that she had spent money on dating sites. Certainly would not one of my priorities when things are as tight as she says they are.
Right, I am doing a little better now, but also have more medical bills and need to go to the dentist and have been putting if off because of the expense.
My question was: (even if i did have plenty of money, myself)...after hearing that she is so broke and then spends her money on dating sites, I did not feel right about giving her that gift. I see that all of you agree. thanks for your feedback.
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