Grandmother being taken...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Grandmother being taken...
6
Sat, 04-26-2003 - 11:38pm
My grandfather passed away last Memorial Day Weekend. My grandmother has become involved with a man who is 23 years her junior. He is basically living with this man at this time. I love my grandmother and want her to be happy. She deserves to be, but this man has a criminal record and miscellaneous other suspicious things, all of which she will accept his outlandish explanations for. What can I do to find out about this man's history and help her, without making her hate me for checking out her beau???
Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 1:55am
You can hire a private investigator: provide him everything you know of your suspicious. You will have to pay to acquire court documents/records. You must have full name and aliases he used,Social Security #, DOB, county where he was incarcerated, etc. . . . You can also do a search on google if you have name/addresses/DOB. To become a member, you have to pay a fee between $20 to $50. This man could easily take advantage of your grandmother and leave her penniless, specially if he knew that her husband recently passed away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 8:50pm
There's no easy answer - how to NOT make her hate you for checking out her beau? I agree with the 2nd poster who advised hiring a PI to dig up facts about his past, but even when you show her the evidence, she may not believe you. That's a risk you might have to take. If she's already enamored of this man, she will hear nothing negative about him from you or anyone else. You know the saying: "Love is blind."

You can try, approaching her in a calm, factual and loving manner, and encourage her to be open-minded and objective about what you have to show her. Then leave it up to her decision, but assure her you will love her no matter what. I can only say to be sure what you say to her, and show her, are hard facts - backed up by evidence - not suspicion or hear-say.

If she still refuses to leave this criminal, and is angry at you for meddling, at least you will know you tried to do the right thing. What's going to be even harder for you is to accept this man into the family if she disputes your evidence and marries him.

Good luck and God's grace to you and your grandmother.

Msfit

                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 10:41pm
msfit,

I called this afternoon and hired a PI that a friend has used before. I gave him what information I had. It's so maddening because the women in my family are generally so close. We usually joke about how we don't make friends, we actually create our friends because my best friends are my mom, grandmother and my little sister. She honestly thinks that I don't want her to be happy. I would like nothing more than for her to be happy, but with someone who loves her. She is an amazing woman who certainly doesn't look 75 years old. I've read several lists of what to look for with con artists and it is frightening how accurate his behavior is...like he read the scammer manual. Well, we'll see what happens. Thanks for your helpful input!

jander

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 10:47pm
Leslie,

We put our family plan into action this afternoon by hiring a PI that a friend of mine has used before. I gave him what I have for information. We should know some preliminary info sometime tomorrow. Thanks for your suggestions! We'll see what happens next. I just love my grandma so much! We always joke around that the women in our family create their own best friends...mine are my mom, grandma and sister. My grandma is just so pleased to have a man paying attention to her. My grandfather was mentally not well in his last years and they had a difficult relationship. She just deserves so much better than someone who wants to take advantage of her and doesn't see her for the amazing woman she is...

Thanks!


jander

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 10:42pm
Makes me feel good I've done my good deeds for the day. Please, keep us informed, I want to know the findings. Good luck and wish your grandma well and yes, I feel the same for my parents right now. I was supposed to be with them, when they get an estimate for home remodeling. The man (hired by Home Depot) insists I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE there. Alot can be done w/out me, with my old weak parents alone on their own with strangers comings and goings freely in their home. Suspicious minds bring suspicious people behind bars! It's better safe than sorry.
Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-30-2003 - 10:29am
I am glad you took action with your plan. In this day and age one can never be too careful. I hope things work out and find that he is an ok guy and no harm was intended toward your grandmother. I hope that when all is taken care of no matter what the results she willunderstand that you did this because you care and want her to be safe. Please let us know what the outcome is. We are here for ya!! Until then~~~~Michelle