Hi, Maybe writing this out will help us.
"She is angry and holds me responsible for “ruining” her life, I divorced her father (also alcoholic) and remarried a great guy and started over.
Clinical Research Associate
Alanon.org. Go there. Learn how NOT to enable your daughter's addiction. And, yes, despite her denial, she's an addict. She's using you. She's hurting others. Alanon is the sister organization to Alcoholics Anonymous. They have lots of experience helping family and friends of alcoholics understand addicted behavior and more importantly how not to keep it going.
Your daughter is using you, manipulating you in a variety of ways. One is money. The other is through your sons. Alanon can help you see this and deal with it.
Start by refusing to buy your daughter things and by refusing to pay her obligations. Every time you do you enable her to keep being addicted and she avoids any consequences for her addiciton. You also stop "aiding and abetting" her nasty attitude toward her half-brothers.
I'm not comfortable with the idea of announcing any sort of disowning.
It has to be just heartbreaking watching your daughter self-destruct.
My mother was alcoholic (now deceased) and I have a brother who is alcoholic, so it's not quite the same as your situation.
desamnik wrote:Thank you all for your insight.
Thank you all for your insight.
She's how old? 29? She's acting like she's 16! She's too old to be holding a grudge about the divorce and you remarrying. Both my parents remarried when I was a kid and it was like, "you don't like my S.O.? Tough! You're the kid. We're the parents". The stepparents left something to be desired, but hey, that's life.
What kind of 29 year old says, "nerd alert?" Most people stop calling other people nerds when get out of high school. "Slipping up" about his crying was intentional. I don't care what she says. Even if it was a slip up, she's still wrong for not using common sense when she posts.
Your dd sounds like she is good at manipulating you and using your guilt to her advantage. There's no reason for her to change that, because the way she does things now is working for her. So any change will need to be with you. If you don't like being around her then limit the time together. And I would stop paying for things for her and making loans. If you can afford to buy her a new computer and want to, fine. But what if her checks bounce or she doesn't even bother to repay you?
Only you know if you did the best that you could