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|Sun, 01-09-2011 - 10:22pm|
Before I start to whine, I will say that I have been married for 35 yrs and I'm still in love with this man I feel like screaming at right now. The good news is that these moments do pass. But I'm looking for any advice on dealing with the situation where I'm the middle man.
DH has suffered from severe depression for over 20 yrs. He is medicated and most of the time things proceed calmly unless there is stress or if his meds need to be changed. Or if he gets into the mood he is in now. I call this mood "poor me". Counseling doesn't work for DH as he has tried it a few times and it only works if I go to explain to the counselor what his problems/issues are then I end up in the middle. Each time after a few sessions, the counselor will ask me to leave (yippee) then try they try a few sessions on their own and call it quits as DH won't talk. However, he never shuts up when it's just us. We have done couples counseling over the years & it's always the same, we communicate well when we listen to each other however DH has a hard time hearing what I say as many topics trigger a negative rant from him.
Enough background. Problem is that DH gets into these poor, poor me moods and all his complaints are directed to me even though most aren't about me. In the last 3 days, he has ranted about our DD & how she takes advantage of his babysitting our DGS. This poor girl works shifts with at most 1 wk notice & each of the 5/6 days she works can be a different shift. DGS is special needs & needs many appts which is why shiftwork is good as she can manage his appts within her shifts. DGS is here at most 2 days a wk. If DD starts at 6 am then I get up at 6 work for 2 or 3 hrs from home until DGS gets up, get him breakfast then play with him until DH gets up between 9:30 & 10. DGS normally goes down for his nap at 1. DD finishes work at 2 & somedays will try to run around to pick up a few things before coming home. But she is normally here by 3 and DH goes off to do his thing. If she goes in for 2 then she doesn't leave until 1 & puts DGS down when she leaves. He gets up around 3 and if I have gone into the office, then I try to be home by 5 and I take over from DH.